I have been lost in my own thoughts since I heard the news and struggling. One of the sweetest mom’s who has ever been put on this Earth is dealing with the death of her son. She was an avid blogger and a source for compassion and knowledge for many of us. No mother should be trying to figure out funeral arrangements for a boy who has barely left his 20’s. He should have been starting his real life, hitting his stride….not ending it. He suffered. He struggled with crippling anxiety and depression. My heart aches for his struggle and his moms fight for him.
This mom did everything in her power to save him and when she couldn’t take it anymore….she did more and tried again. She had hope like we all did that her son would get a handle on things and that she too could begin to live a life without the dark cloud of addiction casting a shadow on everything.
I am not publicly sharing who I am talking about because she has not shared this publicly in blog land. She deserves her privacy and time to process what has happened. I am struggling to process this information. It doesn’t matter where our kids are in this journey she is living my worst nightmare. I wish I could say I don’t have to worry about that anymore but even an addict that has been clean for an extended period of time and doing all the right things is not safe.
As a mother of a recovering an addict I am not safe. My son IS at that magic moment….he IS starting his real life, he IS hitting his stride and yet I still worry what will happen if he hits a major obstacle. Will he decide? “Just one more time….” That seems to be a reality for some addicts who experience recovery and then hit a wall. I know I have no control over it but it doesn’t stop the shadow from traveling over my life from time to time. The dark thoughts and what if’s are still there.
I would like to think that her son is at peace because God knows he suffered. Be kind. Remember his mom is still here and she will be suffering the loss of her son for the rest of her life….here on Earth. I know she knows: she certainly didn’t cause it, she couldn’t cure it and she couldn’t control it. I hope she embraces the 3 C’s as she takes the time to grieve the tragedy her family has just experienced.
As for the rest of you, give your children a hug. Speak out when a parent says “I guess I did something right….” because maybe you just got lucky. Lucky that fickle finger of fate did not choose your loved one for this horrible disease. Most of us who were chosen are still trying to figure out how in the world did this wonderful child and his loving NORMAL devoted parents end up here? I know some of you are still thinking “Not my child” I am here to stand testament to the fact that YES, IT COULD HAVE BEEN YOUR CHILD.
A Mom's Serious Blunder... 
Oh, my heart is aching and I am praying…. for us all. May God’s inexplicable comfort carry this mom and her family through this valley of grief and despair, and may He work all things together for good when we can’t even begin to comprehend how that could ever happen. 😭😭😭
My heart goes out to her. I could be anyone’s child. I am the mother of a recovering addict clean for 10 years but I always worry about what could make her say maybe just this once. The father of her child relapsed a year ago after 5 years clean. I pray that this mother Finds peace.
Very well said……my heart is aching for her, and for all that she’s already been through as well as what she still has to endure, and for her son who suffered so. I too carry those dark thoughts but not as often as in the past, but it’s never really gone. Thank you for this heartfelt post and hope you and yours continue to do well….