Stormy dark clouds…

They seem to follow me every where. As soon as life seems to be firmly on course some atomic bomb comes calling. The silver lining to this is…J seems to really be getting his life together. Bought himself a car, insured it, opened up a checking account and got a credit card all to start building his credit. He works hard and I am proud that he has set sail on a new course. I am fiercely praying it brings him happiness…living a life with purpose really is transforming him.

The stormy dark clouds are not of my making and I resent it terribly. Once again I get to be a passenger on this merry-go-round that I never signed up for. I am not sure I will be able to get through this with out my spirit being irrevocably damaged. Pray for me…that God has a plan and it really is going to be okay because right now it is so hard to see that. This blog has brought me great solace. So here I am again…I am searching for peace and some solace but it is just so very dark. These are my words screaming out loud.

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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10 Responses to Stormy dark clouds…

  1. Kelly Christensen says:

    I have followed you for some time now. You and I share this horrific journey known as our children’s addictions. I have two out of my three boys that have gone down this road. I am sure, like you, I have learned to hang on dearly to the good times and brace for the bad. I will pray for peace and calm for you throughout this next storm. I am so glad to hear your son is doing well.

  2. Annette says:

    I know I have spent so many years and so much of my attention focused on addiction, that when something else, really painful comes up, it totally takes me by surprise! “You mean there are “other” ways to sneak in while I am unaware and hurt me deeply? Other ways besides drug addiction?” Sometimes it feels like its all too much and I begin to see a glimpse of why people isolate and hold people at a distance…which are things that are usually foreign to my daily life. But sometimes I get it, and I wonder if its where I should go too…..just isolate, stop connecting with others, and just hunker down and finish out my days on this earth in some peace.

  3. Lauren says:

    Sometimes in hard times we all go to the “desert.” It takes time to get ourselves
    Together and come back into the real world. Someone said that to me the other day as I was speaking about my son who has been gone for 5 years. I finally have collored my hair again , I was able to put up a Christmas tree before Christmas and feel myself looking at babies and liking them again, not feeling sad whenever I see a baby. My son passed at 22, he wasn’t a baby but for some reason I couldn’t even look at babies. She said, You are coming out of the desert. Remember Jesus went into the desert. So we aren’t alone in how feel. The key is maybe giving ourselves permission to be in the desert and that it is ok. Not to beat ourselves up but go to our desert and come out when we can .

  4. Gwynn Torres says:

    We get caught up for so long in addiction trauma, that when life throws punches from other directions, we are blindsided. I’ve been dealing with watching my mom die a slow death all this year. Caring for her has made me exhausted and feeling old. I know this time will pass, but there is comfort in reconnecting with others who bear similar battle scars. Sending you prayers and support.

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