Feeling really down…and there is nothing in particular going on. I don’t love my job like I use too…not liking my husband or my kids. I just see some really selfish petty behaviors from us all. Trying to muster that “Wooohooo It’s a new year and a new beginning” but so far I am not feeling it. I also feel extremely bad for many people going through some very hard times. I want to not feel….I can see why the lure of a drug that makes the world go away is so appealing. I joke all the time that one day soon I am going to take up drinking but I kind of wish I had that to feel a little numb. I don’t drink mostly because my husband drinks enough for both of us and one of has to remain sane. It’s not a moral judgment…it just doesn’t have a pay off for me other than a big fat headache.
J is still in Florida and my father has bought him a new computer and the new iPhone 6 +. I will have trouble paying my credit card off this month but J who has no job still has the best of everything. He also has no job and even if he did he wouldn’t pay me back a dime of the thousands and thousands of dollars he owes us. He seems to have hatched a plan to go back to school for computer coding. Investing money in something positive that would result in a real job is appealing but if Walmart won’t hire him??? Will someone else take a chance on him? I pray for his sake that is what happens…that someone gives this bright young man a chance at life.