Just ignore my pity party…

Feeling really down…and there is nothing in particular going on. I don’t love my job like I use too…not liking my husband or my kids. I just see some really selfish petty behaviors from us all. Trying to muster that “Wooohooo It’s a new year and a new beginning” but so far I am not feeling it. I also feel extremely bad for many people going through some very hard times. I want to not feel….I can see why the lure of a drug that makes the world go away is so appealing. I joke all the time that one day soon I am going to take up drinking but I kind of wish I had that to feel a little numb. I don’t drink mostly¬†because my husband drinks enough for both of us and one of has to remain sane. It’s not a moral judgment…it just doesn’t have a pay off for me other than a big fat headache.

J is still in Florida and my father has bought him a new computer and the new iPhone 6 +. I will have trouble paying my credit card off this month but J who has no job still has the best of everything. He also has no job and even if he did he wouldn’t pay me back a dime of the thousands and thousands of dollars he owes us. He seems to have hatched a plan to go back to school for computer coding. Investing money in something positive that would result in a real job is appealing but if Walmart won’t hire him??? Will someone else take a chance on him? I pray for his sake that is what happens…that someone gives this bright young man a chance at life.

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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3 Responses to Just ignore my pity party…

  1. Mary says:

    I will attend your ‘pity party’………. you bring the ‘whine’ ….. I will bring the cheese!

    The issues with J just put your coping level over the top……. we all understand that and sometimes writing it out is a great way to let off some steam.
    If J has stayed off drugs for several months then that is a wonderful thing………every day improves his odds of making it. Maybe the luxury items your dad provides the incentive for him to stay on course……….maybe it is important for J to be approved of by your dad……maybe he is just growing up and tired of being a screw up…..who the hell knows…….. its so different for every person. If it is working just keep forging ahead………… The goal of school is really positive……. not unrealistic for him to succeed if he can stay off drugs. It can start with one class…… see how it goes……..let him take the one step forward and see if he can then take another one. I don’t think its about him getting a chance…….. like many kids they have had plenty of those…….its about him making the choice.

    I look at the life my son could have had and just shake my head. The “coulda, woulda, and shouldas” really get me down…… but sometimes you just gotta accept the reality of what is. As an update on my son he is doing well. Too long and private a story to explain in great detail but he was home for the holiday week and he seems to be handling the details of a very demanding job and life. So we move on, cautiously and optimistically. I think it is important to say that he drinks, in what I would say, is a normal 20something fashion. The purists of the recovery world might say that won’t work, its not recovery, but I don’t think an all or nothing is the truth for everyone……. might be……. not my call, check with me in five years.

    So take some deep breaths and remember life is a package deal…….. husbands, kids and jobs are not always perfect (contrary to what those darn posts on Facebook portray), enjoy the ups, endure the downs, and
    “Keep Calm and Carry On”
    A digital hug to you and your family and lets hope the New Year brings you good things.

  2. Andrea says:

    Thank you for the posts msdson007. So much of what you write I can relate to. I’m raising my two granddaughters ages 6 and 7 and am 62, single, work 70 hours a week and have daughter working on recovery. Have we lived the life if a drug addiction without the benefit of numbing drugs? No pay off for me either in numbing the stress. You are correct in my opinion. Someone has to be responsible. Fine line between enabling and trying to hold ends together. Guess that’s us. If the mood strikes you, feel free to contact me at Dr.a.r.nilsen@gmail.com. I can relate to your posts and look forward to reading updates….if the mood strikes you.

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