How very odd?

I just noticed something very strange in our parent/child dynamics with J. When J is in recovery and not using, I am the sympathetic and caring parent. I want to help J with opportunities to succeed. My husband wants to drop him off in the middle of a town and drive away.

When J was using my husband decides he can’t possibly survive out there and we just need to wait this out. I am the one that wants to drop him off at the Salvation Army and drive away.

Why is that? This is part of the reason we are never on the same page.

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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7 Responses to How very odd?

  1. Dawn says:

    When j is not using, he has all the faculties and intelligence to make it? So hubby figures now is the time? When J is using hubby realizes dropping him off wouldn’t help anyone? When J is not using you are caring and supportive of his sobriety, but not independence? When J is using you are burnt out, pissed as hell and fed up?

  2. DC says:

    It sounds like your husband gets scared when J is active, then angry at him after the crisis passes when J is in recovery. You deal with your anger and fear in the opposite manner. Same feelings, just different ways of expressing them. I see your way as more supportive, and less enabling. Now how do you and your husband become a team, and fight this on the same side?

  3. midnitefyrfly says:

    My guess is that your husband relates to the addiction….

  4. Syd says:

    If I inventory what I am feeling–fear, self-seeking, selfish, etc. then I understand what is going on. Anger stems from fear. And fear can manifest in many ways.

  5. Beachteacher says:

    I can relate to this. My husband & I often had opposite reactions (one easier & the other the hard ass) during our son’s using addict days. And when one of us changed the other would be the opposite way. It was strange.

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