I am telling you and God…

I won’t survive another child becoming an addict. I am going to be looking for a therapist for M. I really believe there is something not right. It is not normal to go from happy to fiercely mad in 60 seconds. It is not right that she speaks to everyone with contempt. It is not right that every year since she was in Kindergarten I have been called in to speak to her teachers about her attitude. I am very worried she is bi-polar or something. This is not normal and this is not going to magically disappear.

I turned my back on J and let my husband convince me that it was just a phase he was going through. When we finally dealt with what was going on it was to late.  M has many of the same qualities J has. I can see her trying to self medicate in the future to help deal with her EXTREME emotions and her anxiety. I am going to invest in a good therapist and pray to God on my hands and knees every night that she can find her way because I can not go through this again. I won’t survive it.

Why is loving and wanting happiness for your children not enough? I swear I sometimes with fierce determination and sheer force of will pretend that everything is going to be fine.  Only I can’t quite convince myself with any kind of conviction.

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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8 Responses to I am telling you and God…

  1. Bi polar disorder is very treatable!!

  2. Sheila says:

    Possibly borderline personality disorder? Definity get a good therapist.

  3. madyson007 says:

    That’s exactly what I think Sheila…and I am so very scared.

  4. sidda says:

    I think that part of the reason that my youngest also ended up self-medicating with heroin was watching his brother do it for years in my house, I hate myself to this day for exposing him to that and all the awful drama that went along with it. How could it not have a negative impact on him? He told me that his brother told him where to score his first oxy. Do what you can, going through this hell with a second child is absolutely horrible.

  5. Sheila says:

    Madyson. my dd was diagnosed with borderline. Is there a way you can private message me?

  6. Connie says:

    I am so glad you are taking M to a therapist! No more hiding from possibilities. I took my daughter – over and over again. I eventually discovered that she was self-destructive. I was so afraid but seeking help was the beginning of healing for her. Thank you for pushing through and reaching out on your daughter’s behalf. My daughter refuses anxiety meds due to her brothers’ addictions, but at least she talks to me about it and we work through it together. You are doing the right thing!

  7. Tori Lee says:

    Good for you! Over and over again I wished I would have done what I thought was best and get B in with a therapist – I knew something was a little off when he was 10 or 11. Everyone disagreed with me. I don’t know if the outcome would be different but at least I would have tried. By the time we finally got him to a good Therapist it did little for him as an addict had already been born.

    Although my youngest doesn’t seem to have any of the same issues I started him in Therapy when he was 14 (same Therapist B goes to off and on) – I figured with all the drama he needed to go to someone that clearly understood our family dynamic. It was the best decision. He is very open with the Therapist now and open about B’s addiction and his feelings in general.

    You are doing a great thing for your daughter.

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