Avoidance…

Jay is going through great pains to avoid us…never a good sign. Looks like his trip to Doc and script for Suboxone was the joke I thought it was. Jail is once again on the horizon. I paid for the SUBS…I am an idiot. I AM SO PISSED there is absolutely no room for anything other than anger.

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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14 Responses to Avoidance…

  1. I’m so sorry. I know the intense sadness and disappointment you feel. There is a big market for suboxone as a street drug. There are so many, including Seroquel which is used to treat bi polar disorder! Addicts will crush, snort smoke and inject whatever they can get their hands on. My story is just like yours. But there is hope- my son is clean for about 15 months now and living a sober, productive life. Keep hope!

  2. Why are you paying for the Subs? If your son in eligible for Medicaid, they will pay 100% of the costs. Sign him up for ObamaCare.

    • madyson007 says:

      He is still young enough to be covered through my husbands insurance… next year he can do that.

      • Sidda says:

        You really don’t need to pay for his meds. He should qualify for medicaid and they will pick up the cost. It doesn’t matter if he is on your husband’s insurance, so was my child and medicaid was his secondary insurance so whatever the primary insurance won’t cover medicaid will, the subs will then only cost $3. You did nothing wrong, you were trying to help him with recovery.

  3. Annette says:

    Or it was good intentions not followed through with. I think when they say this stuff they mean it at that moment.

    • madyson007 says:

      I know you are right Annette but it still hurts just the same….

      • Annette says:

        Oh yes it does most certainly hurt. This last time I went through a time (months) of feeling like I didn’t care about good intentions, I didn’t care that it was disease or that she was miserable. *I* was miserable and sad and tired and mad!

  4. Sheila says:

    If you’re like me, I’m often just as mad at myself when I think I have again been the chump. My addict has even sneered at me over my stupidity.
    I said to him ” That’s right. I give the benefit of the doubt to people I love. ”
    He didn’t have a snappy comeback.
    It is so very hard to find the balance— to be compassionate without being the fool.
    We can start with compassion for ourselves.

  5. Dawn M McCoy says:

    That just really sucks. Im sorry sweetie 😦

  6. Gal says:

    Paying for suboxone is not so bad when you consider the alternative. Give yourself a break.

  7. Courtsmom says:

    This is where we again become the victim. We are so desperate for any glimmer of hope we get sucked in again. Its been 4 yrs since we found out about her addiction but she has been using something for about 6. I keep waiting to wake up from the nightmare!

    I know it’s a cliché but be gentle with yourself. We always have the best of intentions and even if we are made a fool of we can at least say we did everything we could. So sorry you are going through this.

  8. Oh, I definitely wouldn’t beat yourself up just because you paid for the Subs. So you will help him to recover! That’s ok!! I draw the line at bailing out of jail, paying for lawyers, and paying fines – but something that may actually HELP the addiction is ok in my book!

    I’m updating my blog right now, just for you Sweetie! HUGS!

  9. Another mother says:

    I feel your pain. I too am an idiot. .. my J just got kicked out to the suboxone program after I spent over $1000 on his meds. Yea I am an idiot. I kept thinking this time will be different and I need to help him. Well this time I will not be of any assistance. No money no help. I will not invest my energy. So if he fails again he will fail himself, not me. But I will keep hope and pray that the day will come.

  10. Tori Lee says:

    We all fall for it, don’t we? We want our kids to be sober so we continue to pay for anything that gives us a glimmer of hope. I still pay for his monthly shot even though he has been messing around with other stuff – and I will continue to pay for it. I do not trust him with a pill did that before a few times and for him it just doesn’t work. We love our children and you are not an idiot you knew that it may not work but you try. We want our children to be okay.

    Go easy on yourself.

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