A lovely young lady left me a comment on the previous post. I told her I had hope but it made me think….do I really? I have decided I am not able to separate hope and expectations. Living without hope is kind of sad and lonely in a way. I think it makes me isolate myself to anything that would even remotely entertain the idea of hope because hope leads to expectations which leads to crushing disappointment.
Today J told me he has an appointment with a Suboxone Doctor who is covered under our insurance. I was happy for him. He has been asking me to call and find one and to call the insurance company and the pharmacy and the on and on… I refused. Every single time I initiated or was involved in any kind of help, it turned into my fix. He never took ownership of anything and it meant nothing, so he invested nothing. I want to be hopeful but I am just not going to go there. He can own this and it can be his success or his failure. I take no ownership over any of it.