Hello Serious Blunder Mom,
My name is Cristal, I am 28 years old and a heroin addict in recovery. This Saturday, may 3rd 2014, is my 1 year sobriety date. I have read a good portion of your blog this morning. I enjoy reading blogs by the moms because it helps remind me of what i put my loved ones through and how lucky i am not to have to be there anymore.
I used oxycontin and heroin for 4 years. Out of those 4 years there was only 3 days that i did not use. 3 days. I felt compelled to write you a message as you seem to have a distorted understanding of your son and what hes going through. I can tell by what you have shared that your son J and myself are exactly the same type of addict. I was willing to do anything it took to get my drug and avoid withdraws. But please make no mistake, by the end of my addiction i no longer had the power of choice. That is an ability we lose once the drugs have taken over our minds, bodies, and souls. Until you are an addict yourself you can never begin to understand the agony addicts live with each moment, wanting to stop but not having the capacity to do so.
I too came from a very good family, parents that would do anything for me, very spoiled my whole life, got and did anything i wanted, went to private schools my whole life, college educated. Never did I imagine i would become a drug addict. I lied, stole, cheated, panhandled, and did anything imaginable. I too, am a convicted felon due to my addiction.
My parents never gave up on me, they enabled me for a long time. They stopped giving me money but still paid for my suboxone which i traded for heroin. But they still let me live in their very nice home, paid for my car and cell phone, and wanted so badly to believe i could stop on my own, if i just wanted it bad enough.
When you said that you asked you son if he was aware that he was trading his family, his future life and wife, for heroin, it was very clear to me that you are unable to understand that this is not a choice he is making. His need for drugs make these choices for him. He is very sick and this is a deadly disease. Just like cancer, just like heart disease. If he does not get treatment, it will only get worse.
For me, i had to hit bottom…not the bum on the streets, living under a bridge with a needle in your arm type of bottom….mine was an emotional bottom. I couldnt go on living anymore and i couldnt muster the courage to kill myself. I was in such a dark, hopeless place that the only thing i could do was be desperate for help. I told my parents i was ready and went to detox the next day. Stayed in detox for 10 days and although they gave me meds to help me withdraw, it was still the worse hell ive ever endured. After detox i went to a residential rehab for 7 months where my life was completely transformed.
You cannot save your son but you can let him know that you are there when he is ready for help. That is what my parents did. Please try to educate yourself as much as possible and do not lose hope. If someone like me can do it, so can your son.
May God bless you and your family.
You do give me hope Christal…thank you for leaving me a comment. I know when the Alien has possessed my son. I can look in his eyes and see that my son is no longer in there and it usually ends in jail. I also know it is hard to believe but he does does stop for periods of time…sometimes long periods of time. Can you just answer one question for me? If he is able to choose not to use so he passes a drug test, why can he not just choose never to start again?
Dear Crystal, Thank you for your comment. It truely helps me to understand what my daughter has gone through.. To us parents who are not addicts, it just seems so simple, but I see that it is not… Thank you so much for educating us !
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