Spring should come limping in any minute now. I have looked for signs of spring and I see nothing…no buds, no flowers not a single damn pussy willow. Spring can bring such joy and I could use a little of that right now. My husband doesn’t like me very much anymore. My work will be cutting my hours again. This will sound silly but an activity that I love being a part of is also ending. There is nothing I can do about it and I am so sad about it. It was my distraction and brought me great happiness and took up a great deal of time which meant less time focusing on the negative. I don’t think anyone understand how much it hurts to not be a part of it soon. J has gone back to work for landscaper friend. This is great news in some respects but it also brings great fear. When J works for landscaper he is up early and works hard…I love to see him on a normal schedule. He works long hours and is paid in cash. Cash brings temptation so even though J has been doing well it will just be a matter of time before the next big fall. I no longer pick up the pieces but I still get to see all the pieces scattered on the floor. I can’t invite friends over because I don’t want them to see those pieces cluttering up the house. This addiction is a very messy business…disfunction is our new normal.
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