I am a liar…

Someone asked me what my son went to college for and I lied. I said he went to Hofstra for a communications degree but hasn’t been able to find a job. I don’t like myself very much. Lying just goes against my nature…but I find I am getting better at it each time someone asks about my son. This is not comforting at all…feels shameful.

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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7 Responses to I am a liar…

  1. Ron Grover says:

    Ok, it is us. We trust you. We know what it is like being the parent of an addict. We know what we wish and what we want. We know what we do and how sometimes we want to crawl into a corner and bury ourselves. We know we what it is like in that dark place in our heart.

    It’s hard admitting to ourself what we know and harder admitting to others, especially if that don’t understand.

    Don’t beat yourself up. Your son is fighting the disease of addiction. It doesn’t change one thing for your son whether anyone else understands and not. His battle is his. We parents fight our own battles and we don’t win them all.

    Give up the blame and shame. It makes it easier for everyone including your son. My experience is that for every one person that looks down their nose, or persecutes us because of our child’s illness there are a dozen offering a hand and heart. Don’t worry about those that without a hand or heart. You and your son have not the time for them. To those offering a hand take it. To those offering a heart enter.

  2. Annette says:

    I love Rons comment. What would happen if you told the truth? I don’t usually get into the whole heroine addict thing, but I do say she’s had a long road and is working on finding her way little by little.

  3. Helga says:

    I totally get this. My husband gets asked a lot about his son. He always tells the truth (maybe you read my last blog post about my stepson) and he gets very upset when people keep on pressing him for more info. He found that they usually just ask him because the worse his story gets the more they brag about their own kids…

  4. Connie says:

    I join the others in completely understanding why you would lie. I tend to say, “He’s finding his way – you know how young adulthood can be.” And…oh my… how tired that line became. And how hard to listen to other parents rejoicing in their adult-children’s successes. But look at what you did: You came here and you told the truth. You continually come here and tell the truth. You are not a dishonest person, Mady. You are an honest woman dealing with one of life’s deepest struggles as best as you can. Sending love and prayers…

  5. Anna says:

    Many people are very smug. They take credit for the success of their children. I tr y not to lie but I sure do not tell the whole truth either. I will say this though. I Worked with a woman who would simply say “My daughter used to be a Sunday school teacher but now she is a drug addict. I don,t know how it happened aNd there is no good news to report”. I never heard a shred of gossip about this woman or her daughter so honesty worked pretty well for her.

  6. roseanne says:

    Hi there. I am raising my daughters two beautiful children. I have always been a very private person in a very public job (high school principal). My daughter made the local television news. I’ll spare details, needless to say after 19 arrests this past year, I’m with Ron. Speaking the truth, many people have opened their hearts and helped me in my struggle to find acceptance and peace enough to raise my granddaughters without having a breakdown. When I get asked, I simply say my daughter is not doing well right now and it rips my heart out, but me and the little ones have a lot of joy. It’s enough for most people and a lot of people understand and share because many of us are traveling this same road. I guess I m past shame, anger, denial and working on acceptance.
    While I occasionally hear younger parents make comments about addiction being the parents fault, it does not phase me anymore because I just realise in their ignorance, they really just do not know what they don’t know.
    For me, sometimes my gift is that I can better understand and sometimes even help other parents find a shred of peace by sharing from my heart. I’m too damn old and tired to worry about smug attitudes of those that are flippant. And I would never wish this on them so that they could understand. When and if my daughter gets well, I will be there for her but for right now, I have cut contact for my own wellbeing. This in itself makes many people believe I am cold hearted. And I just can’t worry about what they may think . I don’t have the energy. My prayers are with you and your family. Thank you for sharing.

    • madyson007 says:

      Thank you for sharing. I have always worried that if word of my sons addiction and arrests got out into the small affluent community I work in people would not feel the same about me. Who wants a teacher with a heroin addict for a son? Being a principal you must come under even more scrutiny. It does bring me comfort that your career didn’t end with the news of your daughter. Thank you for sharing….really.

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