This was just to good not to share….

nuckingfuts

Submitted on 2014/01/13 at 3:42 PM

You really make me mad. the way you talk about your drug addicted son is disgusting. HE’S YOUR SON. I think your self victimization addiction should be looked at.

I’m a recovered addict, and a mother. I used meth for years, and other drugs for years before that. I’ve been clean almost 2 years. I’VE BEEN ATTEMPTING SINCE 2008 AND RELAPSED MANY TIMES BEFORE FINALLY GETTING CLEAN IN LATE 2012.

relapse happens.
using does not make your son a bad son. You talk about your other children as though they are the good ones. No, they are your scapegoats. I am a mother myself, a damn good one to a beautiful baby girl. I am successful and blessed. Maybe if your son had a mom like my mother was, (forgiving, willing to accept that the war on drugs is a political scam used to make money and create a lower class)
Maybe then he would be ok.
i want you to watch a movie, please. it could save BOTH of your lives. its called “the house i live in” its a documentary. if you love your son, you will stop playing victim to save his life. he needs you. and you are his mommy. remember the sweet baby he was, his newborn cry. and go to him. go to him like you did then.

If you think for one moment that your peace of mind and family are best without this young man, you are proving yourself unfit of the title mother. I know it is harsh. but goddamnit wake up, your baby is dying out there.

Here is my response:

Guess what? He is not dying out there…he lives in a 5 bedroom Colonial at the end of the cul-de-sac with a jacuzzi and a swimming pool. He has the biggest room of all my kids with a flat screen TV. He doesn’t work and sleeps until he feels like getting up. He has a nice warm bed and a kitchen full of food which he raids on a regular basis. I don’t know what world you are living in but he is not dying out there but he may indeed be slowing killing him self. He doesn’t need me for anything other than a ride and money.

What he does need is to be thrown out, so he has to decide between food and heroin or a warm bed and a pack of cigarettes. What he needs is to be scared shitless with no place to go with nothing but the ground to sleep on. If it was only up to me…that is exactly where he would be.

Glad nuckingfuts is doing so well but I am not sure his/her mother would remember it the same way…

I am ready to cut all contact with J but it is not my decision alone to make. I can tell you this is all coming to a head and my husband will not be able to pretend that everything is going to be fine if we just give him a little more time. I know that when you share your life on a blog you run the risk of being judged. Judge me if you want but I can’t pretend to feel something I don’t. This is a true story…the good, the bad and the ugly and I will not apologize.

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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17 Responses to This was just to good not to share….

  1. DC says:

    I think “Nuckingfuts” has not done any step work, otherwise she would have realized the pain she caused her mother and made amends. Now our addicts are the victims, as we are held hostage? Maybe she will sing a different tune if her sweet precious child becomes an addict some day. Also, perhaps she would have gotten better sooner if her mother did not enable her for so long. I do think addicts need empathy, but to ignore the wreckage they put on the family is nuts. I do agree that you anger is toxic, but only to YOU… I don’t think your son gives 2 @# what you are thinking….he only cares about his addiction. So for YOUR sake, get some support. You need some peace.

  2. you know what, this person, who thinks they are OK and ‘made it” with two years clean is living on a pink cloud. WOW two years clean!! woot woot!! no kidding!! wow, not to brag on miss clean time who is self proclaimed fucking nuts, i mean i don’t sugar coat shit around here. but i too am a recovering addict, have been clean since january 8, 2005. i shot up dope for many years, i am also a mother. and at two years clean i barely had my first 3 steps down. see in recovery, it is a process, you don’t ever say I made it, at least not like you are cured or anything because there is no cure. we only each of us have today. tomorrow is never guaranteed for anyone.

    the part that strikes me in your comment to my friends post is how angry you are. wow why would this woman make you so angry? hhmm is she possibly touching on a nerve that you haven’t looked at in all your great recovery? I mean you made it captain clean time? in my fellowship we don’t cosign into peoples bullshit we call them out on it. and let me tell you another thing, my mother gave up on me she had to ok, she had my daughter to worry about, because guess who wasn’t worried about her, that’s right, me. it took her pressing charges on me for robbing her of over 20 grand when all was said and done to throw my ass in jail, it took a long time in jail before i came out of my dope sickened stupor. and that wasn’t even the tip of the iceberg.

    when you are in a recovery program you learn about yourself and you are forced by natural consequences to grow up or go back out.

    this mother is NO VICTIM! NOR DOES SHE PAINT HER SELF OUT TO BE ONE. if you have read her blog as long as I have, and I think whats it been madison 6 years now? i found you right after my own mother died I had just gotten 3 years clean, she is not a victim, she is a mother sharing her pains, fears ,hopes and her heart. she shares her joys and victories as well as her sadness and defeats. but what she doesn’t do is be a victim!

    yes she could use a naranon meeting, but she also has a huge support base with this blog, and apparently no one has told you of the magic in writing. you know there are these steps we do, in recovery, 12 of them, and they are done in order for a reason. and it also sounds like you need to work on step one and it starts with surrender. guess what, it starts with pen and paper.

    i mean really, who the fuck do you think you are coming on here and bashing someones personal story? have you ever even been to a meeting? or listened to a recovery speaker? you have no clue the strength it takes to let your raw emotions out of your head where they make sense and put them out so you can see them with fresh eyes.

    mom you know i lurk and usually don’t comment, but i just wanted you to know I am still here, I am still your cheerleader, and big fan, I wish my mom was still here so I could hug her for everything she and I didn’t get to say. i also wanted you to know that there are those of us in recovery who are addicts and support you.
    clean_n_serene

  3. Jeff says:

    My take on it is nuckingfuts is fucking nuts! See what drugs do to the brain? He/she can’t even do simple math “I’ve been clean almos two years. I’VE BEEN ATTEMPTING SINCE 2008 AND RELAPSED MANY TIMES BEFORE FINALLY GETTING CLEAN IN LATE 2012.” On what planet is late 2012, with this being the first two weeks of January 2014, “almost two years?” Total example of inventing their own reality.

    Included in Mady’s excellent reply “He lives in a 5 bedroom Colonial at the end of the cul-de-sac with a jacuzzi and a swimming pool. He has the biggest room of all my kids with a flat screen TV. He doesn’t work and sleeps until he feels like getting up. He has a nice warm bed and a kitchen full of food which he raids on a regular basis.” And herein lies the problem – not just for J, not just for any addict, but for any 18 year old or older in America – thus one of the biggest problems in this country. Then we all wonder just what could have gone wrong and how today’s youth and young adults are likely the most entitled generation in the history of the USA. How could this have happened? Crazy.

    Glad you are getting it Mady. Hoping and praying your husband does. God I so thank my parents for not giving me what I may have thought I needed in favor of giving me what I really needed.

    Hang in there girl!

    • nuckingfuts says:

      My apologies for the math mistake. i have a rare disability called dyscalculia. its very much like dyslexia with numbers. i cannot do even the simplest of math. you may look it up if you haven’t heard of it.

      also, meetings are a complete waste of time. they are condescending and teach addicts they are powerless.

      if you honestly want people to have a shot at recovery you don’t send them to tx here where the recovery rate is 1-6% at best. you send them to an ibogaine clinic. that’s where I went. Madyson, I reccomend this. it is MOST successful with heroin addicts and may be done in conjunction with 12 step meetings. the reason i don’t attend 12 step is i went when i was 17, got a sponsor, who introduced me to meth and molested me. However, if your son is drawn to the rooms more power to him. The thing about ibogaine is after the treatment, there are very rarely relapses ever again.

      that’s right. its 70-80% succesful according to cited medical research. I believe it is available in mexico, canada and a few other non usa areas. I went to a place in rosarito mexico. I’m sorry if I offended you Madyson. I honestly believed that your son was living on the street and you had attempted to kill him. the link i clicked which brought me to this blog said “I poisoned my homeless addict son” yeah. i have no idea why. does your son know about your blog? hope he isn’t tech savvy. After reading your posts from before I realized it must be some mistake. Anyways, do look over the ibogaine thing. I was living on the street doing over 3 grams of dope a day, selling it and having guns to my head. .. and it saved my life. within three days i was no longer an addict. No cravings, no urges, no dreams, no trauma. Ibogaine chemically interrupts the addictive cycle in the head. it ends it on a neurological level. thereby freeing the one trapped in the cycle. and to whomever suggested that I would feel any different if my daughter became an addict. of course not. I too would feel as Madyson would. of course she would always stay in my heart forever though ❤ she's the angel who made life anew for me.

      Good luck. and sorry for the confusion.

      • Annette says:

        Ibogaine is a very controversial treatment, not FDA approved in the US, and very expensive to obtain. It is a hallucinogenic root that, yes, resets the brains neurotransmitters after a supposed 3 day trip. The exact dose is not really exact, thus dangerous. I have heard all the arguments about government control and financial motivation to not allow it in the US, but it just seems to me that if there was truly a cure for opiate addiction, in the world anywhere, we would hear more real information on it. We would see more scientific studies. I have read a lot of accounts where addicts have said it was just hype.

        And accepting our powerlessness is not a bad thing. It actually leads to a life of humility and freedom in many ways. I don’t have to have all of the answers anymore. Not that I ever did to begin with, but I sure did try. I could go on and on about this…..but its late. I think if an addict gets clean and is relying solely on their own strength and their own will power, they are making themselves very vulnerable. No one can do life alone, let alone break a strong addiction.

  4. Ana says:

    You all need to read a book called “Clean” by David Sheff. Addiction is a sticky subject. We have no right to judge people who suffer from addiction nor should the families of addicts be judged either. Both suffer a great deal in different ways. Both longing for the same thing… freedom from the pain.

  5. Annette says:

    Well shoot, as if everything isn’t hard enough, then you get crap like that in in your inbox?

  6. Gal says:

    Here’s what infuriates me the most about the letter: “he needs you. and you are his mommy. remember the sweet baby he was, his newborn cry. and go to him. go to him like you did then.”
    Honey, if that worked, my daughter would have gotten clean and remained so 10 years ago. We cannot love them well. This is so important I have to say it again. WE CANNOT LOVE THEM WELL. Oh, if it were only so easy. I pray this addict never has to find this out with her own precious child.
    -Gal

  7. Eve says:

    I don’t say a lot either, not being a POA but I do follow your blog, Mady and my heart goes out to you and like I said before I think you are very brave.

    I wondered about this part too, as Gal pointed out: >>he needs you. and you are his mommy. remember the sweet baby he was, his newborn cry. and go to him. go to him like you did then.”<<

    J is what, 22 or so? Remembering his "newborn cry" seems irrelevant.

    You know what to do. I pray your husband gets on the same page soon.

  8. nuckingfuts says:

    I’m sorry everyone. please read the below comment ( i replied to another commenter instead of the whole blog whoops) Especially you Madyson, As i think someone is trying to make you look bad. 😦 and no it isn’t me. Lol. My deepest apologies.

    • nuckingfuts says:

      Dammit i guess its the above comment. ok. whatever scroll up and find it. sheesh as if I haven’t embarassed myself enough today.

  9. Jean says:

    As the younger sibling of two addicts, I cast my vote for putting the energy you spend on the addict towards your other children. This is messing with them in ways you – and they – don’t even know yet.

    My mom tried her best to ‘love’ them clean. She never shut the door and locked it, she just said ‘when you’re well, come home’ and went about rebuilding my and my sister’s childhoods.

    As a mother now myself, I can’t imagine the torment you endure and have no real experience dealing with this as a mother. But – BUT – it seems to this observer that his living conditions when he is with you are just a bungee cord that allow him to bob, safely, above rock bottom.

  10. longtimelurker says:

    I agree on some levels. I think you sound like you are letting Js addiction ruin you the exact same way H is ruining him. He uses cause it feels amazing and that feeling over shadows the consequences. His brain (as is every other addict in the world’s). is wired differently and it is sending him signals that he needs to feel that way. Much the way your love for your Husband and your comfy little Colonial are over shadowing the need to DO SOMETHING and DO it NOW, his ease of using and his comfy room + more are overshadowing the consequences of using. I do hear a level of self victimization and strongly dislike the dehumanization of J that you use to express how hurt you are… as another mother AND recovering addict as well…. I think you need to detach with love. Wake up. cause your husband won’t. Look close… you are living with two addicts and you only hate one. J does need you to act like a mom. I know you didn’t sign up for this. There is no service to haul away your addict. You are the hero he needs. His guardian. His mother. If you can’t act like it because of your husband… there is something wrong. Are you entitled to everything you have if you alone can’t afford it? I’m pretty sure J gets his entitlement from you…. Stand on your own two feet and do what is RIGHT not what is easy. I support you even tho it might not sound like it now. Look harder Mads….. dig deeper…. don’t love your son to death. Do something before his occasional use spirals out of control. You hold the two keys…. enable or detach with love. You know what has to happen. Stop allowing the occasional use to fly. You alone can’t save your son, but you can raise the bottom. Make his rock bottom come sooner… before he is strung out. When you allow him to face his consequences and earn his comforts and you work on regaining the part of you that has died, you will see the baby boy you know and love is still in there.

  11. Terri Hine says:

    Wow. In my own program, we share experience, strength & hope, and are asked to refrain from giving advice. Clearly, a few, whom I notice prefer to hide behind pseudonyms, are full of advice & recriminations. Not sure which “program” this is, but perhaps one in which tearing someone else down makes them feel better about themselves. Stay strong, Mads, & glad you found humor & some levity in nuckingfuts’ “valuable advice”. Wow! There’s nuts in this here fruitcake!

  12. Syd says:

    I hope that your husband will realize that comfort doesn’t do much for those who are wasting their life away on drugs and alcohol. I am not a POA, but I listen to them share. And when both parents are on board, it seems that a major change can occur.

  13. Kathy says:

    When my husband and I quit trying to fix everything for our 30 year old addict, strange things started to happen. It was like an invisible hand took over! He has of course lost everything he ever had, including his 18 month old daughter, ruined a promising career in engineering, owes so much money to so many people ,etc. But… he got himself into a rehab in September 2013 and he is still there!!!! He is still alive and has a lifetime of work to do to make amends, but he is still alive and trying on his own! This to us is a miracle and we pray he can do it every day for the rest of his life. But I also know how incredibly hard it is to “let go and let God”. Hope your husband can find the strength to let go, cuz you both need to be on the same page.

  14. Sheri says:

    Ahhh the comfy life of an enabled addict. I did it for years thinking that if ONLY he realized how good he had it, he would wake up. I don’t know if you have ever read Melody Beattie’s book Codependent No More. To me, a light bulb came on!
    You are a bright ( albeit sarcastic at times) woman. You have not changed anything , take a step and try. For YOU lady! You are drowning and spiraling. I did the same and I made plenty of blunders ! You can find a way!
    Believe me when I say your other children feel all of this and take it more personally than you can imagine. My daughter will carry the scars of this war forever . Don’t make them watch you suffer, because as much as you think you are protecting them, you aren’t. They are right there in the trenches, feeling and watching.
    I know I am rambling but I’m frustrated because when I read your posts , I see a lot of myself.
    He is a man and honestly, he will survive out there and will walk the path he is meant to walk. He already is.

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