I just dropped my son off at a meeting…

Do you ever feel like your addict is going to a “meeting” to score some drugs? <sigh> Any shred of optimism that once existed in the recess of my mind has vanished. Hope is now a foreign feeling. I find it hard to grasp the notion where there is life there is hope….I desperately want to feel that again but I just can’t seem to muster it anymore. J as far as I am concerned relapsed about a week and a half after he got home, he was probably high for 3 days. Everyone freaked screamed and threatened… ya know the usual stuff that happens when your addict lives at home and then uses. Then it seems to me he sobered up and has gone to a meeting here and there. I would say he has been sober the entire time with the exception  of those three days. Not that long ago I would have thought that was quite an accomplishment…inside I would be secretly bubbling with hope and happiness. Now even with his sobriety I find no satisfaction. How did that happen? Where did that lovely person go who always had hope and could see good in any situation. I am telling you she has disappeared. What scares me the most is what if she never comes back….like ever?


About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free when my oldest son went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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5 Responses to I just dropped my son off at a meeting…

  1. Helga says:

    Please try to find happiness regardless of your son’s actions. Don’t let him dictate your feelings. You have more to live for than just his sobriety. Make him move out so you don’t have to face his drug use every day. The is still joy in the world, trust me!

  2. Sidda says:

    “Take no thought for the future action of others. Neither expect them to be better or worse as time goes on, for in such expectations you are really trying to create. This is God’s job, not yours. Love alone can create. Love and let be.”

    “Remember all people are always changing. When we judge them, we judge on what we believe we know of them, failing to realize that there is much we do not know and that they are constantly changing as they try for better or worse to cope with life. Give others credit even as all of us struggle; give them credit for attempts at progress, even if their changes are not apparent, and above all give them credit for having had many victories which are unknown. (We are all of the same clothe, though of a different cut.)”

    “Remember you, too, are always changing, and you can direct that change consciously if you so desire. Yourself, you an change. Others you can only love.” – Nar-Anon Family Group Book

    I glean so much from the stories shared in the Nar-Anon blue book. Even if you don’t go to meetings I would highly recommend ordering the book on their website. It is the SESH blue book. I use this book to deal with all things in my life not just dealing with addiction.

  3. Connie says:

    Dear Madyson, My heart breaks for you. Are you going to meetings? Do you have any kind of a support group (aside from here) where you can share your experience? I think we should start grief support groups for parents of addicts – because we have lost someone we love more than anything – and yet society does not understand. Love and hugs for you!

  4. nbloom says:

    Dealing with addiction is exhausting. When you start to lose hope, I think it is a defense mechanism that automatically kicks in — kind of like self preservation. If you don’t feel as emotionally invested, then maybe it won’t hurt as much when you get let down–again:(
    I’ve found myself going to that dark place many times. It is not a good place to stay. Seek out friends, a pastor, a therapist, someone who can help you out and renew your hope. Someone gave me the quote, “If you treat an individual as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become what he ought to be and could be.” (Honestly, I thought they never had to deal with an addicted child….) I try to keep that quote in mind when dealing with my son, but also when dealing with myself. Blessings to you and your son.

  5. MammaP says:

    Madyson you will re emerge…just another stage of grieving..not the normal grieving, as we are not dealing with a normal loss..we all waiver back & forth..don’t be to hard on yourself…hugggs

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