J is hurt…

His best friend has turned his back on him…it is actually quite sad to see. I understand that J’s friend is mad and disappointed but does he really have to sever the friendship? J has another friend that is not a friend at all and celebrates J’s failures by passing all the juicy details on to everyone. Those friends have also walked away. Why do people revel in others misfortune? Yes these are J’s consequences but what happen to standing by your friend?

I empathize with wanting to turn your back and walk away. There have been many times I have wished I could have the perverse satisfaction of completely turning my back on my son but I just can’t. However, that does not mean I will become a doormat either.

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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6 Responses to J is hurt…

  1. Tori Lee says:

    That’s tough. B’s best friend has been clean for over 2 years but has not turned his back on him – actually right now they work together a couple of days a week – but there have been times he didn’t talk to B for a couple of months at a time. It’s exhausting and he is only 22 how much can he handle? A few weeks ago he tried to talk to B about the things he was doing and he told me that he feels like he is putting himself in danger when he is around B when he is or has recently used – because of course B doesn’t hang around nice people when he uses. I get it, for this friend it isn’t just about the danger he is always concerned that he doesn’t relapse.

    I feel bad for J, it sucks. But on the other hand, like I told B’s gf well now xgf she can’t save him, she can keep him from using for a few days or a few weeks but as much as she loves him if I were her I would leave. I can’t leave my son but I sure as hell wouldn’t want to tolerated what he puts her through.

    And B has a couple of those other friends who all love to talk about his latest relapase and how he will never be clean. That pisses me off far more.

  2. Annette says:

    I think that he still has friends says a lot. Is the friend walking away because of disapproval of J’s drug use? Maybe that will speak louder to J than anything else has. Peer pressure. Good peer pressure.

  3. Sidda says:

    I think that it is just another consequence of their using, my son’s real friends did not want to be around him when he was using heroin as they really disapproved and the people that he would use with weren’t his real friends. When I think back to high school and my 20s and cocaine was the big drug I pretty much distanced myself from people who were doing that, I wasn’t judging them or trying to be mean but they were choosing a life path that I didn’t want to be a part of. I remember one of my son’s real friends who doesn’t use telling me how my son went to his apartment one night high and he couldn’t stand being around him.

  4. Ron Grover says:

    I echo some of the things said above. J’s friend, what he did is neither right or wrong, it is just what it is. Call it a consequence or what ever you want but J’s friend is doing exactly what he needs to do, he is taking care of himself.

    I tell all the students I speak to at schools that if they have a friend using the most they can do is ask their friend to get help. I tell them they can’t fix them and they can’t save them. Ultimately they have to decide if they want to put themselves in the circle and lifestyle. Sounds like J’s friend is at that place.

    Yes, I understand you are in a different place as his mother and may not be in a place to turn your back on him but you need to learn how to take care of yourself and make a choice to enter the circle on your own terms and not on J’s. It’s good boundaries. Detach from his drugs and lifestyle, do not detach from J, loving and believing in him.

  5. Lisa says:

    Consequences for actions. It is a necessary part of the process of addiction and if there weren’t any no one would find sobriety!

    It’s sad to watch …I know. My son has lost all his friends it seems but I also see when he is sober they have been extremely forgiving. Remember these aren’t people who have given birth to them with a plan to love them unconditionally. And the non enablers can make the difference!

  6. Momma says:

    My 24 year old (Son2) has an entirely new set of friends now than he did in high school (with one exception), and even from his first couple of years of college. It was sad to see some of them go by the wayside, but others he did need to sever ties with, I think. I was just talking to a friend of mine whose 28 year old son just had a big ugly fight with an old friend, they were both drinking, and it sounds like a rift that won’t mend. It’s hard for our young people to imagine making new friends, but like most things, friendships evolve over time. It’s sad and painful for them though, isn’t it?

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