Roller coaster…

J is sick…he hurt his back shoveling snow with his landscaper friend. He has a sore throat and sleeps a lot and lopes around humped over. Am I skeptical…no not really. I think he hurt his back, does he have a sore throat? I really don’t give a shit. I am such a good mommy aren’t I?

I hate myself sometimes.


About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free when my oldest son went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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6 Responses to Roller coaster…

  1. Ron Grover says:

    You are a good mom and you are the parent of an addict. Sometimes they are synonymous.

    I admit as a dad and a parent of an addict I would think as he was throwing up in the bathroom, “serves him right, dope sick.” Guess it didn’t dawn on me that we had all had the 24 hour flu the week before and maybe he was sick because the house was full of viruses.

    Guilt is what we use to punish ourselves. It is easy and it is effective and it doesn’t take a whole lot of other people to make it hurt. Been there, done that.

    You are a good mom.

  2. Gal says:

    Oh, Honey, I understand. We may love our children, but we don’t have to like them all the time. And it’s especially hard when they act like pre-teens at the age of 28. I know yours is younger, but drug use keeps them from maturing. It’s can be so damn wearying, even when they’re clean!

    • Ivy Green says:

      You are so right about the maturity or lack of it. Not only was his development “arrested,” but so was mine – I continued to parent him as if he WAS still a teen or even younger. I had no faith in his ability to care for himself. I didn’t do that with his healthy younger sister. It was the disease of addiction, it warped us both. It’s still a struggle, but with recovery, there is progress.

  3. madyson007 says:

    Yup…he has the maturity of a 16-17 year old tops.

  4. DC says:

    I beat myself up too…lots of guilt and self-loathing. I never felt this way before his addiction. But I had a revelation the other day – maybe I do this to myself so I don’t think about my REAL fear and the real possibility…that he may die. Ever since I thought of this, I have been much easier on myself. We can’t help being pissed at them. Their behavior is worse than a two year old’s! Hang in there and give yourself a break.

  5. MammaP says:

    I can relate..A very challenging week here also…Still so angry I can’t even talk about it!!! And it all started because of a F@#$#@ Skin Tag!!!

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