Rings hollow…

I started November with “The Thankful Challenge”. There are things that I am definitely thankful for but everything rings hollow. I stopped doing the challenge. It is all tainted by J being locked up. I am going to do my best and make Thanksgiving everything my younger children are longing for but I will be faking it. I will make my world famous sweet potatoes, green beans and herbed stuffing. I will make a turkey and bake a pecan pie and a pumpkin pie and make creamy rice pudding. I will even serve chilled jellied cranberry sauce in the exact shape of a can because that is what they love. What I won’t be able to do is enjoy it. It will be my husband, younger daughter and youngest son and myself…a table of four. How sad…

I tried to talk my husband into going out so I could ignore the emptiness at our table. The hustle and bustle of a restaurant would make it less quiet too. I would not have to force myself to cook food I don’t really want to have without all my children home. My husband and the two younger ones are not hearing any of it. They want, what they want and what they want is Thanksgiving….like always. Only it is never going to be the same and I find that so depressing. I just want to pretend it is a day like any other…no empty chairs reminding me my two older children are missing.

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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13 Responses to Rings hollow…

  1. Tori Lee says:

    I feel your pain….I am in the same position and I am in no mood to pretend that it is all okay. But we do and we will.

  2. Helga says:

    It will be ok! One day they will all have left the nest and may not be able to come home for Thanksgiving or Christmas. We do what we have to do and we cannot let our kids, whatever the circumstances, dictate our feelings. My daughter spent Thanksgiving and Christmas of 2006 in jail. Be glad he is not high sitting at the dinner table, then you wished he was in jail. Just try to make the best of the situation for yourself and your family.

  3. Lisa says:

    In understand your pain. I am so sorry. But I think back to a Thanksgiving past and recall looking across the table at my son whose eyes were half drooping shut. I recall the Easter I was upstairs cooking and entertaining relatives and was later told my son’s girlfriend arrived and went down to his room and found him laying face first in there…to which she kicked him into consciousness. Sometimes we have to realize that having them present isn’t really having them at all. Look at this year as hope to new beginnings. That maybe a sacrifice of one or two holidays might be a step towards better ones in the future!!!

  4. Terri says:

    As of last night I am in the same situation you are in. My son was arrested and at this point he doesn’t even know we know. I will be going to my parent’s house that will be full of people. All my other kids and both grand kids will be with me. All I have to do is tell everyone my son isn’t there because he is in jail.

  5. Sheri says:

    My son is in jail. I am going to my daughters boyfriends family. This is the first time in 31 years I have not cooked .

  6. Annette says:

    I am so sorry that its all so hard for so many of us. This year looks like it will be ok for me….but I have had my share of many sad holidays. Take good care of yourself Mads. You matter. How you feel matters. You deserve some peace and some happiness despite what is going on with J. Its ok to create some for yourself. ❤

  7. Ron Grover says:

    I am so sorry you are going through this. We had some holidays where Alex was in protective custody too. We know how it hurts when there is an empty place at the table but you must keep remembering that he is where he needs to be right now.

    All of our efforts to fix it and to love him out of it wasn’t working and now it is time for him to see the consequences of his actions. Even though I am a firm believer that jail is not an answer for addiction at times that is the only place. It may just be a step in the process.

    Don’t forget that when you are cooking and looking at your family on Thanksgiving where there is life there is hope. Look around on that glorious morning when you are sad, do you see that life around you? That life is hope. That life is love. No one knows the future, live for today and make a choice to celebrate what is today, you know not what tomorrow holds.

    • madyson007 says:

      Ron I love how you call it “Protective Custody” sounds so much better than jai. When I finally break this to my parents that is definitely what I am going to call it.

  8. Jeff says:

    I’m surprised I’m the first here to say what I’m about to say, especially after the poster to one of my other responses several weeks ago said, more or less, that everyone was already aware of what I was saying and that it was not their first rodeo. Perhaps I’m about to say the obvious again, perhaps not.

    This may not cover your husband but for your other two kids, I totally understand them having “none of it” with dropping or at least significantly altering TG. They may not say it in these words but I bet they are thinking it. “Really mom, J is going to ruin this for us too? He already ruined enough things in our life. He’s spoiled a lot for me. He already gets way more attention than we do, and we are the good kids.” I bet that’s what they’d say if given the chance. “It’s not fair mom, why does J being bad punish us who are being good? Why does J get to ruin our Thanksgiving. It’s just not fair!”

    That’s what I think they would say… And they would be right. J put himself where he is. These little kids had absolutely nothing to do with it. Why should they suffer a crappy thanksgiving because of what J has done? “Maybe we should get arrested or do drugs too, then mom and dad would pay attention to us and bend over backwards to do things for us like they do for J.”

  9. JoJo says:

    I can so relate to your feelings. It isn’t the same as an empty nest, or a child who is studying abroad. Those are positive life transitions; this one…not so much. {BIG HUG}

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