I am doing the November challenge…

on Facebook. One thing I am grateful for each day…

  • I am grateful that my husband and I still love and enjoy each others company.
  • I am grateful that my daughter L shares a part of her life with me each day…a text, a recipe, a phone call or just a funny twitter. They mean so much to me.
  • I am grateful that my youngest daughter is involved in a sport I love and both of us are happy to be a part of it.
  •  I am grateful my parents are still a part of my life and they still ADORE my children!
  •  I am grateful for two little furry friends who bring me great joy everyday….even when they drive me crazy. Tucker and Lola!
  • I am thankful for my friends…at work, cheer, new and old.
  •  I am thankful for chocolate…enough said.
  • I am thankful for coffee…like really I am.
  •  I am thankful for my little boy. Who makes me feel young and brings great joy to my life. My mischievous little man of few words…I love you.

At some point I need to be thankful for my J but I just don’t know what to say… He was my first child…we use to call him the test child. We were so young. J was literally the first baby I ever held. We were on a fast learning curve. J was a quiet child who felt things deeply. His friends meant everything to him. No matter how hard we tried, sports was not going to be his “thing” and we were okay with that. He was on the Lego Team in middle school and the Robotics team in high school. He loved the computer and video games. He learned to play the guitar very easily and it always brought him a little happiness when things were bad.

Some where on this journey I let him down…

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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7 Responses to I am doing the November challenge…

  1. Annette says:

    Oh mads…..one time when I was bemoaning and wailing and whining about “where did we go wrong?!” My girl looked right at me and said, “Has it ever occurred to you that this isn’t about you?” Well no actually, I was certain it was all my fault, that I was powerful enough, despite all of my very best efforts, to single handedly ruin a perfectly good kid.
    I don’t think that so much anymore. I have a long time sober friend who says “addicts are born.” Whatever caused it….I’m not anywhere near powerful enough, or evil enough, or mean enough to cause that kind of damage. And neither are you. Our kids are who they are.

  2. Gal says:

    “Let him down?” Please, don’t do that to yourself. This is hard enough without blaming ourselves.
    -Gal

  3. Patricia says:

    I am happy to see you are focusing on your blessings and you certainly have many.

    We parents have all wondered what we did wrong from time to time, That is human nature. I wondered what I was doing wrong when she sucked her thumb forever too!!

    BUT we have to be careful with this mindset.. We have to walk the talk.

    Addiction is a disease. Our kids probably had a genetic predisposition and triggered it – when and why we may never know. But if we want them to be treated with compassion and dignity as they fight this disease, we have to hold our heads up and approach the world without apology.

    Mental illness and addiction have focused on parenting way to much, in my opinion. Why? Because doctors did not understand what was happening and it was easier to focus on what could be seen than end a research article with “It’s very complex and we don’t get it”.
    We parents were sitting ducks!!!!

    They can now show through MRI’s and scans the synapses that trigger when addicts use – there is a real physiological connection medicine is still trying to understand. And nothing in those brain scans screams parenting.

    You loved J and cared for him. But by the luck of the draw, your son and my daughter drew the addiction card. Now we wait for them to recognize this and do what they have to to send it in to remission. We still love them but know it is their battle . . . a battle with a disease.

  4. Helga says:

    You. Did. Not. Let. Him. Down. Please don’t tell yourself that, because it is not true. The choices our kids make are out of our control and they are certainly not a reflection of us as parents. This is not about your parenting skills, trust me.

  5. Dawn M McCoy says:

    Sweetie? I watched a show tonite. Not even about addiction, per se, but a prime time show I quite rather like. Holmes and Watson. Doesn’t really matter though. What DID matter was a rather profound statement which was made by the main character, a recovering heroin addict who is a detective working for the NYPD. Anyway he said during an N.A. meeting (paraphrasing here) “I wonder sometimes if I was born in the wrong century. I am so brilliant, that I have so much trouble processing all of the input that exists in our time. I simply couldn’t handle it and my reaction was to self medicate myself to slow it all down. I wonder, I do, if I had been born 100 or 200 years ago, when it was …. Calmer…..if I would have been an addict at all?” Made me wonder. Your addict, and my addict are both quite above average. We didn’t do anything to let them down. We did all we could. I think if we leave them to it, eventually, they WILL find their way. I know, even though it doesn’t look that great for Calamity….15th rehab….she has had lucid years, and is currently doing okay. But she didn’t start until she had no safety net. There is no right or wrong. There’s just us, confused and hurting parents, and them, confused and hurting addicts.

  6. Sheri says:

    Maybe you do t have any current things about J to attach a bullet point to but you devoted not just a few sentences but an entire paragraph of those past things that made him the individual that he is. YOU included him in your list right now in the best way you could. Just like you did the best you could raising him.

  7. Terri says:

    Please don’t let yourself go there. Our kids are wired differently than other folks. They are smart, talented, funny, loving and they are addicts. There is not a damn thing we can do to change that. Be kind to yourself.

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