I will share something that will come as a shock…

to J only. I will take one phone call a week from him. Today I will make it clear that we are not going to bail him out nor will we be making arrangements for him. He will need to make his own arrangements. I can not tell you how foreign this will sound to him.

In one breath he wants us to bail him out so he can make calls for rehab and in another he wants us to make arrangements. Bailing him out is out of the question…I do not trust him and God knows I can’t control him. He needs to get him self into rehab. The End.

Here is what my husband and I are having the most trouble with at the moment. I have heard from many of you that jail is a place I know he is safe. A place where he will remain clean. That isn’t what we are hearing from J. He says drugs are every where and accessible if he has money. He has his own money…a finite amount but money that he had when he was arrested. This place is bad. I believe it but I don’t know that I am willing to change it.

J for as street wise as he must seem for having been on this merry-go-round for five years now, is actually not. Each time he has gotten involved in the law he has tried to get into the seedier side of drug addiction. Going to a more direct and dangerous source but those times ended in jail and he was unsuccessful.

His everyday buying habits were very low-key middle America. He is not street wise at all, in fact he is a fool which probably has a lot to do with why he gets caught. I don’t see him navigating his way in jail intelligently and that scares me. He  trusts people and I just don’t know how smart that is. This paragraph is not meant to make J seem less “addict or criminal like” but it’s the truth. He will pay for what he has done but I am scared for his life in jail and out of jail.

What I have written in this post is what I am feeling and what I believe. I know my son is sick…I understand what he did is illegal and he probably is a little more savvy than I think. However I do know he is not yet a cunning devious criminal who knows the ins and out of prison and part of me wants to keep it that way.

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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10 Responses to I will share something that will come as a shock…

  1. Dawn M McCoy says:

    This is a very difficult time, for you, for your husband and for J. Jail is Scary as hell. And yes, there ARE in fact, many available drugs. However, after his money runs out, so do the drugs. So, don’t give him any money. You will of course, be terrified. Your son will most likely be beat up. Its rough. You will get through this. It is hard for all of us. Here is the thing. Whether or not its a disease or not, doesnt really matter. It is against the law. So that makes your son a lawbreaker, subject to fines, arrest, imprisonment and all the other glorious things that come with the life choices he has made. If you lived in Switzerland, he would be able to go to a national clinic and shoot up in front of a nurse with a clean needle and dosage control. But you don’t. In the U.S. he has broken the law. There ARE consequences to be paid. They will be very rough consequences. Perhaps rough enough that he never wants to go back. Maybe it will turn his life around for the better, maybe it will make him a more hardened criminal. But those decisions aren’t yours to make anymore. I’m sorry your family has to go through this incredible pain. But YOU didn’t stick a needle in your son’s arm. He did. Its his decisions and his consequences. Let them happen, and pray for him. I will as well. Love.

  2. Lisa says:

    Omg this is déjà vu! My son is a mommas boy. He is a spoiled brat who’s world has been the center of our attention. I was his CCD teacher, my husband was his baseball coach. He was the pitcher. All around athlete. He called and told us he can get drugs in jail and it wasn’t safe and what can we do. Oh no! It just so happened my daughter had a former school mate who was a CO at the jail. He would send back stories of my son and his woes. My mommas boy would complain about the mattresses or ask for a new unit or ask for new sheets etc etc. Our CO friend sat him down and said ‘you were not made for this. You better figure out a way to fix your life and never come back here again. You are not a kid that belongs here’. Profound really. Course he has gone back again. However, I think it was a good experience overall and I think re CO’s do take some under their wing at times. Was their drugs? There is suboxone. At a very high price. Be careful how much you give him for canteen because they will spend it on that. I personally believe the CO’s bring it in to keep them calm. But it’s very expensive and not all over I wouldn’t say. Don’t let him scare you with these tactics. His availability of drugs outside are much greater than inside. And my take on it is that if he overdoses in jail there are a million people to see that in an open jail cell. He gets out and does it secretly and chances are much more slim anyone will see it. He is safe and protected! Wait until you see how good he looks when he gets out. Take a picture. You won’t believe the weight and the clear eyes and the great skin color etc. It’s a transformation of sorts. If even just a while!!!

    • Dawn M McCoy says:

      You said it much better than I did Lisa!

      • Lisa says:

        Nahhh…just another take on my experiences Dawn!! We all have a story to tell right? Unfortunately ugh. I just want to campaign for Mady to actually take a deep breath and relax during this time of peace (sad as it is this is our peace..when they are in jail)

        Let me give a real snapshot into my world and how peaceful I feel when he is in protective custody…I wandered the halls if the courthouse one afternoon waiting to see the judge to file a Section 35 to try and force my son into treatment. I looked nervous and scared wandering around aimlessly and the judge stopped me in the hall and said ‘can I help you? You look lost.’ I said ‘yes you can. You can put my son in jail and sentence him to MY life plus ONE day. I don’t care if you let him out the day after I die. Just leave him there until I do’. That speaks volumes!

  3. In agreement with all comments, and praying for you and your family, Madyson. Inside is better than out. And it’s not just about J (you know this); the rest of your family needs a chance to have some “normalcy.” J will learn. I understand your point about him – I said the same about both of my boys – they were not “tough guys.” They were brainy, artsy, nerdy guys until drugs. The younger one, while never in jail, did have to spend some time in a homeless shelter in a town far from home when he was 19 (this was the momma’s boy). I was far away and terrified. But he had to make his own life. And he did. I know it’s always a risk. We can’t know what will happen. I understand your concern, but still …

  4. Annette says:

    My take is that when our kids end up in jail THEY have set into motion a chain of reactions. Theses are the consequences….whether they are prepared for them or not….this is where you go and what happens when you break the law and make unhealthy choices and get caught. It’s hard, it’s scary, but it is what it is. Even me, miss peace love and brown rice has had to detach and let her sit when she’s been in jail. The one caveat I have is that our jail is a small county jail…no significant danger really. At least that’s what I would tell my self. Be strong Love…

  5. Sheri says:

    We all think our kids are unique and special. Unfortunately , they aren’t. It’s about choices. If he chooses to find drugs in jail, that’s his choice. He’s pushing all the buttons now. And believe me, I’m only telling you this from experience.

  6. Ron Grover says:

    There’s nothing good to feel about having your son in jail. Granted I call it protective custody but I do not believe there is anything pleasant about the experience. However, I would not know first hand.

    Alex told me some stories that made me shiver, drugs in jail was the least of it but that was the place he needed to be. It’s a part of the journey that can lead to recovery. At least we can hope.

    From what you are writing you and hubby are doing good. Stay in contact, make sure he knows you are there for him but you don’t have to take the addiction with him. Take this time to work on yourself. This is important. Talk it out and plan for a relapse but never preparing yourself for recovery.

  7. Patricia says:

    My child has not been in jail . . . yet!!!! I live with the possibility though, as do all the parents of addicts . I love and appreciate your honesty in this blog. Keep us informed . . . share your thoughts and feelings. You help all of us!!!! My prayers are with you.

  8. MammaP says:

    I can only Echo the previous writers,As hard as it is,He is where he needs to be at this point in time.I found the manipulation even greater when he was in jail.He knew I was devastated and worked on that weakness.Sticking to the one call a week is very smart..Be careful with the canteen money..My sister-in-law gave him 50.00 thinking she was helping.She wasn’t,only enabling him to purchase the illegal substances which the 20.00 we put in did not cover.She thought she was giving him money for” treats”
    her words.I explained to her he wasn’t at Summer Camp he was in jail!!
    As difficult as it is..stick to your guns on this one.Try not to dwell on the bad things that could happen but the good things.He will come out clean,a new start to a new life if embraced..Huggs

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