to J only. I will take one phone call a week from him. Today I will make it clear that we are not going to bail him out nor will we be making arrangements for him. He will need to make his own arrangements. I can not tell you how foreign this will sound to him.
In one breath he wants us to bail him out so he can make calls for rehab and in another he wants us to make arrangements. Bailing him out is out of the question…I do not trust him and God knows I can’t control him. He needs to get him self into rehab. The End.
Here is what my husband and I are having the most trouble with at the moment. I have heard from many of you that jail is a place I know he is safe. A place where he will remain clean. That isn’t what we are hearing from J. He says drugs are every where and accessible if he has money. He has his own money…a finite amount but money that he had when he was arrested. This place is bad. I believe it but I don’t know that I am willing to change it.
J for as street wise as he must seem for having been on this merry-go-round for five years now, is actually not. Each time he has gotten involved in the law he has tried to get into the seedier side of drug addiction. Going to a more direct and dangerous source but those times ended in jail and he was unsuccessful.
His everyday buying habits were very low-key middle America. He is not street wise at all, in fact he is a fool which probably has a lot to do with why he gets caught. I don’t see him navigating his way in jail intelligently and that scares me. He trusts people and I just don’t know how smart that is. This paragraph is not meant to make J seem less “addict or criminal like” but it’s the truth. He will pay for what he has done but I am scared for his life in jail and out of jail.
What I have written in this post is what I am feeling and what I believe. I know my son is sick…I understand what he did is illegal and he probably is a little more savvy than I think. However I do know he is not yet a cunning devious criminal who knows the ins and out of prison and part of me wants to keep it that way.