Middle of the night phone calls are never good…

and this one was just as expected…bad. J is in jail. SURPRISE! Oh wait…are you not surprised? I don’t know what he did because we will not take the call. It actually doesn’t really matter because we will not help him any way.

All you parents who make your way to this blog in different stages of finding out your child is an addict take this advice: Leave him in jail! Do not waste your life savings on his defense, he will only screw up again and you are still out of a whole lot of money. Let a court appointed lawyer do the work.

An addict is pretty much doomed to failure and you are making a BIG mistake if you think your child is going to be different. Grieve like your child is dead. Anything better that comes out of his life is icing on the cake.

I really don’t know what I feel…because I am not feeling much of anything at all. Just a sense of doom and an understanding that all that advice and warning of what was to come that was given early on in my blog from experienced parents, has came to pass. Just run…drop your kid off at the nearest rehab or homeless shelter and tell him he can never come home. Then never look back…

Maybe you will be the lucky parent whose child comes back to you a decade later with a life, but BELIEVE me when I tell you…you would have better odds on winning the lottery than your child winning his battle with addiction.

I am really done…not sure what happens now? I don’t want to be an experienced parent. I am not sure I even want to be a parent or deserve to be a parent. Love will not save an addict. The end.

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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10 Responses to Middle of the night phone calls are never good…

  1. Lisa says:

    Take a trip! Enjoy the freedom. You will never feel safer as when he is there. And now he will be tied to the court with, hopefully, sober houses and drug testing and potential sentenced inpatient. It could be the saving grace he has needed. Don’t look at this as the end because it quite possibly could be his beginning!

  2. Dawn M McCoy says:

    The “rest” (double entendre intended) of your life is what happens next. And Amen to all you said. I’m sorry you had to come to this place, but actually, its quite liberating when you still love your child, but plain and simply do not give a shit anymore. As I am famous for saying…get on a bus or get run over by a bus, I really no longer care, just get the EFF out of my daily life.

  3. Tori Lee says:

    If you are done with him then don’t talk to him and move on with your life. He doesn’t have to come back to your house when he gets out of jail nor do you have to help him or see him. I am not sure how this could be a bad thing for him or you. This is a perfect time to pack up his stuff and clear out his room. J will deal with it and hopefully they will put him in a drug program as I believe he was on probation? I am not at the point you are I think we all have to get there at our own time. But what I do think is that I have done everything I can and if I decided to throw him out or anything like that I don’t know if I would feel guilty – I don’t think I would actually. We can only take so much. This might be the best thing for all of you!

  4. Annette says:

    Oh Mads, sounds like you’ve reached your limit. Its all on him now….Its ok to extricate yourself.

    Recently my girl had a warrant out for her arrest for an unresolved fix-it ticket for a broken windshield. It was laughable….of all the things to end up in jail for, a fix-it ticket is the least of my concerns. Could it be some unresolved issue from the past? Maybe he didn’t do anything this time.

    I agree with everyone above….regardless of *why* he is there, this will be a good thing. i used to hope for a big event, so I had a good reason to say I was done. “Ok hon, I can’t be involved in all of this anymore. As in you can’t live here, I will not pay for anything, you need to go and figure out your life. I’ve given all I have to give.”

    I haven’t been there in a while with her, but it was truly liberating to let go when I was.

  5. Helga says:

    I am sorry…. It hurts to let go and I did it many years ago. Looking back I realize that after I let go, I lived a much happier life than when I was on the addiction roller coaster. Because let’s be honest, life marches on regardless. It’s time to live yours to the fullest. J is living his.

  6. Summer says:

    One day soon I expect to be right where you are now with my grown “child” sitting in a jail cell. At this point, I almost welcome it as I know he would be safer there than out on the streets getting high. I agree with Lisa, I think this could possibly be the beginning and not the end.

    You give some excellent advice to all of us, especially those new to our club. Our addicted kids really do have to hit rock bottom and us helping them along the way only hurts them and us.

    Everything everyone has said is so spot on. Sounds like you have hit your rock bottom and now you need to focus on how to take care of you and let your precious son find his own way. He’s made his choices and now he’s going to have to live with the consequences.

    It takes so much courage to step away from the chaos, I hope you can see that and realize this does NOT make you a bad parent or not deserving in any way.

  7. Anna says:

    If he did the crime then he can do the time. It is a big bonus that he is safer in jail. I actually wish thatbmyngirl were in jail. Enjoy this time that he has professional jailers to watch out for him.

  8. Ron Grover says:

    Dear Mady,

    I am so sorry to read this post. I see a positive but I feel so much hurt in you.

    J is taking another step in the progression of his addiction. I don’t blame you in fact I support you. Let him sit in jail, no need to pay bail and phone calls do in fact result in hurt but you have to just realize that this is what happens. Darlene and I began to see jail as “protective custody”.

    I also know that jail does little good for addiction. We want to believe that while there they get sober and see their error and turn over a new leaf. I seldom hear of that happening. Recovery happens from a profound experience. Is this J’s? No one knows.

    Now is the time for you to take care of yourself. Do what you must to begin your recovery. It is OK to be angry and hurt but anger and hurt does not make for a good life. Talk to others, see a counselor, write in your bog, do whatever works for you. But you must take care of yourself now.

    I do want to tell you one thing from my own experience. Recovery happens. Just over three years ago Darlene and I were planning our son’s funeral. All we were doing was waiting on a body. Look today, miracles happen.

    Take care and if you need to talk e-mail me. teamplayer@aol.com

  9. Sheri says:

    My son has been in jail for two months now. First time ever.
    I had the same wash of emotions but I knew that he was going to end up there or dead. I’m grateful it was jail.
    I hope and pray for your J, just as I hope and pray for my Kevin.

  10. MammaP says:

    The only time I had peace was when my son was in Jail…enjoy it!

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