Will it ever end?

You can only turn your head and pretend not to see what is smack in front of you for so long…it is so ugly. I don’t feel much of anything anymore but it takes so much self control it is exhausting. Pretending you don’t care is not the same as not caring. Faking it until you make it sounds good in theory but for the long haul it is not an effective strategy. The curtain comes up and you are left with reality. Why is it always so shocking? You would think I would be good at this by now but it still feels like someone just punched me. If I breathe really slow and shade my eyes…maybe I won’t see what is right in front of me.


About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free when my oldest son went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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5 Responses to Will it ever end?

  1. Annette says:

    I don’t know that we are supposed to turn out heads and pretend we don’t see. Isn’t that the same as living in denial, lying by omission…
    What boundaries do you have set to keep your world emotionally, if not physically, safe for yourself Mads? Other than pretending not to see? :o(
    It sucks to be the parent of a precious kid who is stuck in a very dark place.

  2. Dawn M McCoy says:

    Make it so it’s not there in front of you? I don’t know. Sigh. (((Hugs)))

  3. Liz says:

    I don’t think it ever ends for us POA’s. As much as their addiction is slowly killing them, it slowly kills us too. Even when they are clean, we will never, ever feel sure of anything ever again. I am so sorry for your pain and pray for all of our sick children.

  4. Summer says:

    I’m right there with you Madyson. I’m trying really hard to focus on my own life and my own personal goals which helps, a little. But the whole shock thing has never left me. Not a day goes by that the hubs or I don’t say to eachother “can you believe he’s an addict”. It’s all so surreal. The horror, frustration, unbelievable angst…it’s such crap! All because of something that never had to be.

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