Turns out you can…

pretend everything is fine. I have taken the wise advice to detach fully and not engage in any behaviors that would make me wiser to the fact of whether he is using or not. Guess what? It can be done.

I have not gazed into his eyes to figure out the degree of pupil dilation to see if he is using or withdrawing or even if he is not using. I have not over analyzed him being sick and spending time in bed and throwing up. Hey, it’s really not my business why he is sick…he is a big boy.

Why does this all still suck…why can’t I detach and get rid of the sucky feeling? Just curious…

 

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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7 Responses to Turns out you can…

  1. Annette says:

    Because your his mama and you love him. And your just a person. Not a machine who can be programmed to detach. It’s a process Love….be gentle with yourself.

  2. Dawn M McCoy says:

    Even after I kicked Calamity out, it took a few years

  3. Terri Hine says:

    Cuz he’s your son. I don’t have children but I do have nieces/nephews I adore. Five of them. While I have high (no pun intended) hopes that none of them will ever use, they are coming to that age…I can’t imagine detaching, let alone from someone you have birth to. I have always thought it has to be easier to detach from a partner compared to a child & that’s hard enough. Baby steps. You are practicing & Herculean fetes require plenty of practice before mastering. Keep on doing the next right thing moment to moment, just for today.

  4. Ron Grover says:

    It’s called “Detaching with Love”, not “detaching FROM love”.

    The way I found it works is like this. I didn’t or couldn’t stop checking, even after a year of Alex being clear and sober I was still looking in his eyes, listening for slurs and wondering every time he went to the bathroom. The difference was I didn’t let his actions determine my mood and how I was living my life. We look and check because we love our babies. We hate the drugs and yes it is possible and it is OK to separate the two, it just isn’t easy. Just keep working on yourself and it gets better. Nothing happens over night.

  5. Maija says:

    Feel like you are walking on eggshells? In your own home? Sadly, the only way you can detach is to throw your addict out. J at your home is only going to get worse. Remember, it’s your playpen and you get to decide what happens. When he is in his own playpen, he can do what he wants. You can’t fix this. Sadly you can love it away.

  6. Syd says:

    Your love for your son won’t go away. And sadly living with someone who has an active addiction to alcohol or drugs is difficult no matter how much recovery one has. Realizing that you can’t cure your son or control what he does does help. And I have to remember that those I love have a power greater than me. I am not in charge of their decisions or their lives.

  7. Summer says:

    No matter how far removed we are from the chaos, knowing we can’t cure them, knowing they are still in active addiction, or suspecting they are…still sucks. Detaching doesn’t mean we don’t care…it just means we realize we can’t control their stuff. But we can control ours, one day, sometimes one minute, at a time.

    Hang in there!

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