Lie to me, I promise I’ll believe…

An old friend from high school was in town and she called and asked if we could get together. She had not been back to her hometown in 20 years. I almost canceled because I did not want to lie about what my son was doing with his life. Then I gave myself a good swift kick and said: I will not let him ruin this for me! and I am glad I did.

I need not have worried she was interested in anything I had to share but wasn’t overly nosy in the least. We actually hugged and cried when we saw each other…which is so not like me. I think I missed her and her I but neither one of us realized it until we laid eyes on each other. It was like we took up our friendship right where we left off…Do you know that feeling? Like 20 years hadn’t passed….like I had talked to her yesterday.

We took a little tour around town and visited the schools we attended and the lake we swam at. She was also my neighbor so we went back to our old neighborhood and looked at the houses we grew up in. Why is that always such a blast? It is ridiculously nostalgic and lovely all at the same time. We went to dinner at a delicious Italian Restaurant…per her request. Apparently you can’t get good Italian food, pizza or bagels in the midwest…oh or Taylor Ham.  Who knew?

We talked, laughed and shared pictures. I love showing pictures of my children…they really are so beautiful and I am not just saying that cause I am their mom. They really are exceptional, no really I swear. LOL She asked about each of my children and when we got to J, I told her what I felt comfortable sharing. I said my smart little boy was all grown up but college was not for him. I told her he worked for a landscaper and hubby and I were patiently waiting for J to figure out what he wanted out of his life. She nodded her head and looked at me with understanding. I almost wanted to ask her what did she see when she looked into my eyes? Am I really that good at hiding things or am I not fooling anyone? I don’t want to know the answer to that. Lie to me, I promise I’ll believe.

I am not sure if she sensed my despair or my inability or willingness to elaborate but we just seamlessly moved on to another subject. I just could not do it. I could not tell her my son was a very sick young man, that he was an addict. Or that I live most of my life with this terrible guilt, pain and shame. I am not sure I will ever be able to do that.

My parents are flying in tonight to attend a funeral for my Uncle. I wonder what they will see when they look in my eyes or when they look in J’s eyes? When J is clean I can look in his eyes and see all the way down to that beautiful soul that resides inside him. When he is “using” it is like his eyes are cast with a dark shadow that makes everything murky. I can’t see that boy…my boy.


About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free when my oldest son went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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7 Responses to Lie to me, I promise I’ll believe…

  1. Patricia says:

    You spoke truthfully about J – you are waiting for him to figure it out – most people do not need the details. I am glad you did not miss this day

  2. Helga says:

    Good for you. I used to tell anyone who would listen about my daughter’s addiction. These days, not so much. I feel it’s their life, not ours….

  3. Gal says:

    It’s been more than 40 years since I graduated from high school, but a year or two ago, a bunch of us met for a crawfish boil. (Yes, we’re in New Orleans.) One of the attendees was a girl I had never gotten to know well. She was wealthy, from a powerful family and never wanted to have anything to do with me, and, I admit, vice versa. We went to a small, private school with a total of 40 people in our senior class, and I doubt we said 10 things to each other throughout the 5 years I attended the school. Well, time -and life- changes us all. Her family has been decimated by addiction. Her mother died of alcoholism and her sister of a heroin overdose. These people had all the money in the world, but money couldn’t save them. She and I had long discussions that night about my daughter’s addiction and the toll on family members. She has suffered greatly, but has survived. Addiction is the great equalizer. We were so different in the early 70’s, but now we are sisters in pain. There are small blessings in the quagmires we traverse.

  4. I’m so glad you went out with your friend and had that re-connection! What a wonderful thing to know that you have someone like that in your life! I think you handled the situation very well. You told the truth, but not all the details – that’s fine and appropriate considering how long it has been since you had been together. Like Helga, I had a period of time when I told everyone who would listen about my boys’ addiction. Now, I usually do as you did – or I just say “my boys made some bad choices earlier in their lives but I think they’re getting it together now.” But either way, most people have been understanding and non-judgmental. Much love to you, as always!

  5. Tori Lee says:

    I love what you said about J. Someone asked me about B yesterday and I stood and changed the subject. Oh he is in rehab AGAIN – and this won’t be the last time, he isn’t ready, just going through the motions. That would have been the honest thing. He is not fine, he is not doing well….I am going to start using what you said. I am ready the last couple comments and I didn’t realize there were other people that would tell anyone who would listen and I mean that literally some people I didn’t even know but boy would I spill my guts about B and his addiction I know I was searching for someone to have the magic pill that would save him.

    Now I just share on my Blog and the other site. With the exception of a couple of very close friends I just don’t even want to talk about it.

    Do you know J is using for sure? I really hope he isn’t.

  6. RLS says:

    sometimes I like to be with people that know nothing at all about ”the life” it feels like a breath of fresh air I must say

  7. Erin says:

    I love how you handled the question and honestly you told the truth. I do not share anything about my son’s journey as it is his journey and I respect his privacy. I am so blessed that I have a great group to go to and we can all share openly and not be judged. My family knows about my son’s struggles but he was okay with me telling them.

    I totally know what you mean about seeing an old friend and it seems like you picked up right where you left off. Nothing like it!

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