Coming up on 100,000 views…

and here I am watching my son play “catch me if you can” with his addiction. He has managed to test NEGATIVE 3 times at home and at least 1 broad tox screen test at IOP that was sent out to a lab, was also negative. Only I just can’t seem to believe it. He tells me I am crazy and I beginning to think I maybe I am?

At times he looks perfectly fine and at other times not so much. He gets up for work every morning by 8:00 am and comes home tired, dirty and sunburned from landscaping somewhere between 6:00-7:00. I feel he is isolating himself somewhat and the frequency of his meetings is about once a week now.

I think he is playing games…only I really no longer want to participate.

Please leave me a message if you are my 100,000 visitor and I will send you a prize! In fact, just leave a message if you are regular reader. It is sometimes a strange feeling spilling my guts to strangers…so even if you never comment just say hi and share something about how you got here or what your favorite color is…whatever. Most of all thank you all for being here. I love and appreciate you all even the quiet and loud ones….you know who you are!


About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free when my oldest son went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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28 Responses to Coming up on 100,000 views…

  1. Melissa says:

    Ah I am not the lucky number… But I will send you a huge ass hug. {{{{ }}}}

    I found you via Ron … The Jedi to addiction. But your story I relate too more because my daughter too is playing with fire. She’s 6 months pregnant and out of our view. Smoking pills and crack and harming herself and her baby. I wish my connection with you was different bc you sound pretty down to earth like we could sit and chat over coffee.

    Keep your head in the air.. And go with your gut. Separate and opt out of his game. Make up a new set of rules.


    • Dawn M McCoy says:

      Wherever your daughter is when she gives birth, they will drug test the baby (state law everywhere) and if the baby tests positive, child protective services will be called in. If you want the baby, keep informed. I know this because I have custody of 2 grands….one from birth.

      • Jeff says:

        Are you sure about this???????? Taken from
        Take it for what it’s worth.

        Drug Testing Newborns
        No legislation has been enacted regarding mandatory drug testing of newborns in any of the 50 states or the District of Columbia, according to a national survey of state maternal and newborn drug-testing and reporting policies.

        Optional Drug Testing
        A physician who is primarily responsible for the infant, such as a pediatrician, may order a newborn drug test if they believe intrauterine drug use has occurred. A combination of maternal history, newborn clinical symptoms and toxicology testing of the mother should be considered before performing a newborn drug test.

      • Dawn M McCoy says:

        In Ohio, if there is reason to suspect drug use during pregnancy, then it is state law that they can drug screen baby. I suppose its a due cause situation in most states and hospitals. Regardless, once the baby is born, and starts going through withdrawals, they WILL test as a medical necessity ( and those papers are signed upon admitting to hospital) so its pretty much up to hospital personnel, and they see many babies born addicted. Whether or not it is legislated doesn’t mean it won’t happen.

      • Jeff says:

        Now, I agree with all of your latest post – totally agree. It was your statement of “Wherever your daughter is when she gives birth, they will drug test the baby (state law everywhere)” that I didn’t want people thinking to be accurate in all 50 states when it really appears it is not, that’s all. Very much agree that it can happen, does and should – just not with every newborn in every situation in every location – not even close. 🙂

      • Dawn M McCoy says:

        I guess when I said state law…I was more thinking of the papers everyone innocuously signs upon admission giving the medical staff and hospital permission to perform any medically necessary tests….which said drug test DO fall under the purview of. Mea culpa.

  2. Ron Grover says:

    I’m not 100K but it doesn’t matter here. BTW, there are no strangers when it comes to this journey, we are all walking hand in hand together always.

    Melissa, “Jedi to addiction” never heard that one before. LOL. No one has the answers we just do the best we can each day, look back, learn and do the best today too.

  3. Dawn M McCoy says:

    I could come back 18 times LOL!

  4. sheila says:

    Did I win? Huh? Did I? Just kidding. You have no idea how much it helps to read someone else spilling their guts. It is SO good to not feel alone in the crazy land of addiction. Hugs!

  5. Dawn M McCoy says:

    Its at 100,007! Someone won.

  6. Kelly says:

    I get comfort from your blog. Walking the same road.

  7. Syd says:

    “I think he is playing games…only I really no longer want to participate.” Good for you. Don’t participate and have your own life.

    • Dawn M McCoy says:

      Go Syd. Junkie thinking and junkie games. Just because they might not be using…the brain doesn’t recover right away.

  8. Dawn says:

    I found your blog via Ron or Barbara. Sent you a long email in the very beginning. I am so thankful to all of you who have blogs – it’s helped me so much over the years. I have been on this journey for many, many years. My son is 16 months clean and sober…….wow I can’t believe I just said that. 16 months!!! That’s a first in just as many years for him. Never lose hope…….I never will.

  9. melissa says:

    I’ve been quietly following you for a number of months…my 25 year old son is a heroin addict and finally decided he had enough and went through a 90 day rehab and now IOP and sober living three states away.He now has four clean months which fillls me with hope and fear….You have so much courage to spill your guts like this and great resolve to have said no to coming home…I am working my own program and am finding a new life and happiness again…Thanks for your sharing!

  10. Liz says:

    I am from Rochester, NY. I found you through Ron also. I absolutely love stuffed cabbage so if you want to send that recipe along to me, go right ahead.. LOL.

    I have come a long way in these 5 years from the time I first discovered by daughter was a drug user/heroin user/addict. In the beginning it was denial – to now: acceptance, and all the other crap in between. I remember screaming and yelling and crying so loud and long in my car one night coming home from work because I discovered she had relasped yet again, that the next day I lost my voice. I lied to co-workers and said I had a virus! Yea, right. Same thing with not sleeping or when we have a headache.. just lie about the real reasons we are suffering. We smile and go about our day as if things are fine… when really, we are a wreck inside. Thank God you all know the truth.

    I just want to say that you ALL have helped me tremendously and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.

  11. Jeff says:

    Likely some sort of Internet bot or something was actually visitor 100,000. I know it continues to be a huge struggle for you and your family with addiction. Just also know that you’ve likely helped countless others with your blog and that has to be worth something. I’m glad you are still here. Wished it was for different reasons but glad you are here just the same!

  12. Dawn M McCoy says:

    Now you are at 100,175! You will be reaching 200k soon at this rate lol

  13. madyson007 says:

    My Grandma’s stuffed cabbage recipe
    • 1 whole head cabbage, about 4 pounds
    • 1 large onion, chopped
    • 2 tablespoons butter
    • 1 pound ground beef
    • 1/2 pound ground pork
    • 1 1/2 cups cooked rice
    • 1 teaspoon finely chopped garlic (I actually don’t add garlic)
    • 1 teaspoon salt
    • 1/4 teaspoon black pepper
    • 1 cup beef stock
    • 2 cups of marinara sauce
    • 1 Can of Tomato Soup (my own addition)

    1. Heat oven to 350 degrees. 

    2. Take the core out. Place whole head in a large pot filled with boiling, salted water. Cover and cook….pull off individual leaves after about 4-5 minutes. Pull off about 18-20 Cabbage leaves and let them cool down a little.
    3. When leaves are cool enough to handle, use a paring knife to cut away the thick center stem from each leaf, without cutting all the way through. 

    4. Chop the remaining cabbage and place it in the bottom of a casserole dish or Dutch oven. 

    5. Saute the chopped onion in butter in a large frying pan until tender, and let it cool. 

    6. Mix cooled onions with beef, pork, rice, garlic, salt and black pepper until well combined. Don’t over mix or the meat will become tough. 
(I also add a pack of dry onion soup mix)
    7. Place about 1/2 cup of meat on each cabbage leaf. Roll away from you to encase the meat. Flip the right side of the leaf to the middle, then flip the left side. You will have something that looks like an envelope. Once again, roll away from you to create a neat little roll. 

    8. Stack the cabbage rolls on top of the chopped cabbage in the casserole dish or Dutch oven, seasoning each layer with salt and pepper. Pour beef stock and marinara and soup over cabbage rolls, cover and place in oven. Bake for 90 minutes.

    • Liz says:

      Thanks for the recipe… It sounds easy to do and delicious! I’m going to make it soon… I’ll post how it turns out too…

  14. Alison says:

    Probably started reading your blog from Ron. I have been reading for a few years…I have a 25 yo son opiate addict. I am an educator also. I read with sadness about your reduced hours. Thank you for sharing your story…it helps.

  15. Terri says:

    I’ve been reading you for a few years now, probably found you because of a search I used to do, but I won’t say what those words were b/c it doesn’t have to do with J.

    However, I’ve continued reading b/c I feel your pain, I see your growth, and although I don’t know you, I feel like you are someone I could be friends with. Crazy, huh?

    I don’t post much b/c heroin is not my qualifier’s drug off choice, but the behaviors J exhibits are very much like an alcoholic. I prayed for you & J after your last post. So glad you are still here. I’m glad you feelsafe enough to vent-we all do that sometimes. Not playing the game any longer seems like the right strategy. When I did that, my alcoholic got a little nervous, made a few changes (very slowly, in my opinion…lol) But we are together today in a large part b/c I finally refused to play his games. I don’t mean to say I got him sober, he did that with his HP, but I do think bowing out of the familiar did cause him to evaluate things a little differently. Anyway, to wrap up a very long story, I hope you continue to stop engaging in the games, if only for your own sanity.

    • madyson007 says:

      Nope not crazy at all…I have made some great friends through this blog and others. I also know exactly what you mean when you say I feel like we could be friends. I feel like that often when reading some blogs. There is just some kind of connection that I “get” that person and they would totally “get” me too.

  16. Cheri says:

    Praying for you, Madyson!

  17. Lois Miller-Martone says:

    Well Im not really sure how I found you as I was just doing a google search for heroin addicts and families and somehow found myself here ( how does that happen???) My son is in jail for the third time in one year due to his heroin addiction. He has Od’d twice that I know of in the last month or so. How do I feel? Im not sure I am ‘feeling’ anymore and unfortunately I dont have an opiate in my system to help me with that. Ive just begun to turn off, to numb out, to disassociate from any emotion or feeling. I do know that I would walk thru fire for him or his other two brothers to help them in anyway, but Im just lost as to what to do anymore. I have three sons…..Doug my oldest who I refer to, Andrew who is as stable as they come, and Michael who is recovering after serving three years in prison. I have 25 years of drug and alcohol addiction professional experience and serve in a supervisory role there. Somehow I always seem to have the answers at work….but am absolutly CLUELESS when it comes to my son. Anyway, I just wanted to introduce myself and wish you the best of luck on your hone projects! My name is Lois.

    • madyson007 says:

      If you go back and read through my blog you will see how many times I talk about just being numb. I think it is a coping mechanism when I am just in overload addiction mode. Funny… I am in education and always find it amazing that strangers children listen to me like I am the Pied Piper…they follow my directions and their parents are amazed. My own children? It is like I am speaking Chinese.

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