A little confused by this second step…

So now that I have so fully grasped the first step I thought maybe I would just take a little look at the second step…

Step Two: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Why would I not want to believe just in myself?

I am apparently very un-evolved because here we are on step two and I am doubting the wisdom in it…

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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21 Responses to A little confused by this second step…

  1. dawn says:

    don’t blame you. 1st step….”that you are powerless over your addiction”. um. HELLO? I don’t freaking HAVE an addiction, my idiot daughter does.

    but honestly, 2nd step….I could NOT restore myself to sanity. God (higher power) fucking knows I certainly tried! so for ME… 2nd step meant letting go. it wasn’t MY recovery, and I had to STOP investing in HER recovery. I had to learn to let HER own her addiction, and, as well, her recovery or non-recovery. And that..THAT restored what little spark of sanity that was left inside me.

    mind you, this wasn’t easy. that was when I had to say those very hard words….’apparently you cannot control your addiction, so you must leave.” she said “I don’t have a car. I don’t have a job. I am 4 months pregnant. I have nowhere to live!”. I said. “you also have NO PROBLEM getting heroin, or rides to get dope. call one of them.”

    she said “are you REALLY kicking out your pregnant daughter into the snow 45 miles from the nearest town without a dime, a car or a ride?” I said yes. and shut and locked the door. I left her cell phone on for 24 hours, then shut it off.

    does that help make sense?

  2. Lilz says:

    Dawn, I am so sorry. I know how you feel. My daughter was living in a half-way house in Florida… when my husband and I went on vacation to Florida (the other side, mind you), we decided to drive over to Miami area to see her. She asked if we could stay one night and if she could stay with us and have an overnight visit. Since she had been doing well, I said Yes. We had a wonderful day, beach, pool, and dinner. That night she called a ‘sober’ friend to come over to the hotel for pizza with us… Great. All went well. Soon afterward she said they needed to go out to get cigs. I believed her. I should have known better.

    Long story short is that she drank and used… I found out because she was drinking near the pool… which are room overlooked and I saw her. Hummm, not so smart, right?

    I wouldn’t let her back in the room, called and told the person who ran her half-way house… (He said she could no longer live there)… And I dropped her off at a Burger King near her halfway house in Little Havana, Miami. My husband and I got in the car and left to go back to the other side of Florida to continue our vacation. I turned off my phone for awhile because she was leaving me viscious messages.
    Mind you… she was told MANY times, if she uses, we will have none of it and leave.

    People have no idea how HARD and HEARTBREAKING it is to leave your child alone in strange city with nothing. I wanted to throw-up and crawl into a hole. But this is what I felt I had to do.

    I turned my phone back on later in the evening to hear a message from a rehab facility that my daughter was safe and checked herself in. She had well for awhile and lapsed again too. Currently she is doing well, but if I had to do it over again, I would.

    Insanity.

    • Maija Lepore says:

      I love you-seriously. Our story is the same- a horrible story that bonds us. I wish you strength and healing.
      PS- it is awesome that she checked herself into rehab!

  3. Helga says:

    Makes perfect sense to me.

  4. Tara says:

    How do I get to this point? I knowitis the right thing but how do I do it? Help me

    • madyson007 says:

      Tara I am so sorry that you are dealing with this this too. I do not have any real answers just my experiences to share. Go back to the beginning of this blog and see where I started and you will see a mother in pain.

    • Liz says:

      How did I get to this point? OMG.. So hard to articulate…. An ephipany of finally understanding that whatever I did, said to her, tried to help, paid for, rehabs, etc. etc., DID NOT WORK. I wanted it sooooo badly for her, but that was not enough. She had to want it for herself and the only way she was going to want it for herself was to hit bottom/lose everything that was important to her…i.e., her mom and dad’s support, a place to live, etc.
      My daughter is a doll…cute, funny, smart, charming….and she can win me over so easily… I somehow, thru the grace of God, reading blogs, and allowing the words the professionals have told me over and over, to finally sink in!! It is so hard and I am not perfect, but when I tell my daugher what a consequence is going to be… I absolutely stick with it now.

  5. Tara says:

    Thank you, I will do that.

  6. Maija Lepore says:

    You are not alone! Leaving your child like that is counter-intuitive to being a parent. I’m here to tell you you can find your happy. It wouldbe a better happy if you had your child, but you can find it! Stay strong and stay smart even when it doesn’t feel good.

  7. Syd says:

    The Second Step helps me to realize that I didn’t do very well using my own will. I tried to force solutions and control others. That didn’t work so I realized there was something bigger than me. I came to with this step, accepting that I didn’t have the answers.

  8. Annette says:

    What Syd said. Left to my own devices, to my own strength and wits, I was crazy trying to fix my girl. When I was able to let go and let God be in charge, I began to settle down and gain some sanity back.

    • Liz says:

      Annette, I was crazy trying everything to fix my girl too. I wanted it SOOOOOOO bad I could taste it. Unfortunately, she did not want it as bad and until they truely do, absolutely nothing you do or say will make them stop. Believe me, I tried everything… from pleading, to crying, to pouring my heart, out to saying terrible mean things to shock her, to begging God, EVERYTHING! I made myself sick, isolated myself, and was depressed (I ended up on anti-depressant meds which have helped ALOT). I have finally gotten some sanity back by just coming to the realization that the only thing that will get her to stop is HER. I have given her every tool, and now SHE must use them. For me, letting go also meant that I must accept that my beautiful girl might die. This sounds sick, but I actually went to the cemetary and made arrangements for her to be buried next to her Father (who died of cancer when she was a baby). Of course, I do not want her to die, but it is a reality of addicts… the next pick-up could be the last. Look at poor Cory Montieth. I hope I’m not going on and on. The only thing I can say is I got to the point of letting go and letting God, and it has caused me to be less nervious, worried, and anxious, although it never truely goes away.

  9. Terri says:

    For me it was letting go and realizing that I had no more answers (I never really did to begin with). Nothing I had done in 10 years had made a difference. I was sick physically and emotionally. My marriage was suffering, my other children were being neglected. I just had to let go and trust that there is something more in the universe for my son besides addiction and at the same time accepting that it is his job to find out what it is. Not mine. That has been the only thing that has kept me somewhat sane.

  10. melinda says:

    Letting go isn’t always easy but it is the first step to getting our own lives back.

  11. I think, for us parents, it’s not so much (step 1) that we’re powerless over OUR OWN addiction but that we’re powerless over addiction, generally. As for step 2 – being restored to sanity – I just have to say, how’s doing it yourself going so far? Maybe you don’t need a higher power to restore your sanity. Maybe you can do it yourself. If so…awesome! But I couldn’t do it myself. No ma’am. (This isn’t judgment; just my perspective on the step). But also, it says “came to believe…” and it sounds like you just haven’t come to believe that at this point. That’s ok. Take what works and leave the rest, right? Prayers coming your way!

  12. MammP says:

    Do not take it literally…Just make it work for you…The power can be yourself..It can be your son..I also struggled badly with this step…Still do sometimes..But I put my own spin on the “Power” and moved on 😉

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