Just call me Debbie Downer…

Yes…sometimes if I don’t have drama to focus on in my life…I vegetate which leads to some interesting thoughts. I sometimes think I am a bad person, a bad mother and a bad wife. I think maybe it is me who has put us in this unhappy place. I have actually  briefly considered the possibility that my family would be better off with out me but quickly decided that nope they really wouldn’t. As flawed as I am, they need and love me just as much as I need  and love them big flaws and warts and all.

I am not sure where all this negative thinking is coming from? I realize when I read the above paragraph it sounds like I have contemplated suicide but that is not at all what I meant. I have just thought about different scenario’s, like if my children were brought up by June Cleaver on Catholic Steroids. Would their lives have been different? The answer is yes it would have been different, but who knows if it would have been better? They still would have had Big J as their dad with all his flaws and warts.

I guess this really stems from a guy named Peter. He left a comment on one of the blogs I love to visit. He told her that she was mistaken if she thought she didn’t have her self to blame. He told her she needed to take responsibility for her child’s addiction and turn to Christianity because thats what was missing in her life and her child’s life. He inferred that her values that she passed on were so messed up she produced this defected child. It upset me so much because even though I left a comment refuting his claim I know he still thinks that he knows better and really believes it. He has a young child and another on the way. He really thinks that this could not possibly happen to his children. That he has it all figured out and if we had all followed his future plans of Christian values none of this would have ever happened to our children.

Do you know how many people believe this? a lot and this makes me so sad. When Corey Montieth died I saw people leaving messages on FB and tweeting things like…feel sorry for Lea Michelle she has to live with his stupidity….He brought this on him self, why are we mourning him… How do I reconcile these beliefs with what I know? I am a failure as a mother in the eyes of the world and we have people like Kathy Lee Giiford to perpetuate this notion.

How on earth did I miss out on the “Christian  Addiction Immunity” clause?  Umm… I am Christian, I guess I am just not Christian enough?


About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free when my oldest son went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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9 Responses to Just call me Debbie Downer…

  1. Lisa says:

    We are all not perfect. We have all made mistakes. I think about how I could have been a calmer parent. How my husband and I should have argued less, how maybe we should have made our children work for every single thing they had. How maybe Santa shouldn’t have brought so much. In the end, the proof that our parenting really didnt have much to do with it is shown by the fact that not EVERY one of our kids our addicts. That countless terrible neglectful parents raise kids that never do drugs. You know in your heart of hearts all of this but you question yourself. Especially when they are in a surrendering situation as J is now…and where I hope my son to be shortly if all works according to plan before he does something awful. We question ourselves as parents because we want so much to do the right thing and be good at what we do. Normal. Did you cause this? You KNOW you didn’t. And if you need further proof take a good long stare at your other 3 kids when you get the chance!!!

  2. Tori Lee says:

    I have felt this way many times. I started a post about this but haven’t finished it. It is hard not to blame ourselves especially when the Parents that don’t have addicts look at us like we are the screwed up one’s.

  3. I have personally known a number of good Christians who raised addicts and alcoholics.

  4. sheila says:

    I have really been down on myself as a mom and wife many times too. It’s hard not to let my mind go there sometimes. But I really believe that addiction is largely genetic. Some kids get those addiction genes, some don’t.

    In hindsight, I would have done some things differently when parenting. I think all of us would. But each kid is so unique and none come with individual instruction manuals.

    I also raised my DD as a Christian. There are lots of addicts who were raised as Christians. God, or faith in God, does not inoculate people against addiction, any more than it prevents cancer!

    Each addict much choose to battle their addiction or not. Their parents cannot do it for them. Faith in God may help the addict AFTER they decide to fight the addiction.

    The God I believe in loves us parents of addicts. He loves addicts too. There is no such thing as “Christian enough”. We are all imperfect and God loves us anyway, more even than we love our kids. May the peace of Christ that passes all understanding be with you, Madyson.

  5. Annette says:

    Tonight I am focusing on “being still and knowing that God is God.” People judge harshly. Jesus shines light on the darkness to bring restoration….NOT condemnation and guilt. Mad’s your doing fine. Peter is an asshole….. sorry Jesus. I know he’s your child too.

  6. We know this to be true, and I hope that by speaking out, people will be able to understand that heroin use is at epic proportions! Peter is very naive- I never planned on raising an addict either! Nor did you! You, me and everyone else is perfect in God’s eyes.
    I think you should change your blog title- the blunder is not yours- it is your addict who made the serious blunder! You are a mom doing the best that you can!!!

  7. Cindy says:

    I am speechless…the only thing I can think of to say about this post is that Peter is an IDIOT! And what is Peter doing reading our blogs of he isn’t the parent of an addicted child. My kids were raised in a small Christian school… Their godfather was their teacher. He and his wife were their babysitter when I worked. They had as stable of a life growing up as most middle class American kids. One kid turned to drugs with his DOC being heroin. The other is leading a successful life with no drug use. I didn’t choose their path…I tried everything I could do to lead them away from drugs…it was my child’s choice to choose the path he chose. He had all the tools not to choose that path. I wouldn’t wish drug addiction on my worst enemy…but there is a part of me that wants the Peter’s of this world to walk a mile in our shoes…

    • This fellow Peter made his original comment on my blog and my reply was “I’m so happy your children (3 years and unborn) will never be addicts…. Clearly his is ignorant of the facts regarding addiction.
      We know this dirty little secret: it can happen to ANYONE!
      Really, does he think we raised our children to be addicts?!?!

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