I don’t know if this is rock bottom…

but if it isn’t it should be. J has lost his job again and his girlfriend, both of which I am sure he thinks he will get back. He has no money which is when everything gets scary. I hate when I have to be afraid he will steal from me or anyone for that matter. He thinks he has it all under control????…out-patient rehab must not report directly to his probation office because he should have failed just about every test he has taken there. This is all one big game of “catch me if you can” only I am not playing anymore, in fact I haven’t been playing for a long time. His girl friend made him take a drug test which he failed…she left crying and saying she is done and she will miss us. I am strangely calm about this.

Now J is in a real pickle…his out patient rehab is far away and no one wants to take him. Except his girlfriend who would do anything to help him get better…oops but now she is gone too. He is required to attend three times a week…so my suggestion to him was to come clean and tell them/probation that  outpatient isn’t working and he wants to go long-term inpatient. I also told him I was okay with him going to jail when he failed his next drug test…either or takes him out of my house. My… how quickly expectations have evaporated.

I am sad for his girlfriend who is new to addiction…she really thought she could love him into sobriety.



About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free when my oldest son went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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6 Responses to I don’t know if this is rock bottom…

  1. Annette says:

    Strangely enough, these types of scenarios always feel hopeful to me! LOL maybe that’s just how crazy I’ve become through it all!
    Let it all unfold as it will.
    My girl has had to go to mandatory outpatient classes with “random” testing. I was so happy….until they never tested her. I was then furious. She paid several hundred dollars for that court ordered program, they got their money and never followed through with her. I felt ripped off! Our chance for her to be pressed into change and they dropped the ball…and it’s all about money. Drug tests cost money.
    Take care of yourself Mads.

  2. Tori Lee says:

    I swear I have thought so many times this is B’s bottom. Then I read of stories that are far worse and think maybe he needs to go that far? I don’t know. I have no expectations anymore I am just grateful when he tries to be sober. B has a GF like J only she has been around for over two years now with the exception of breaking up with him for a few weeks here and there when he relapses. She continues to believe in him and wants so bad for it to always be the last time. 😦

  3. Syd says:

    It sounds as if the girlfriend is wising up and realizing that she is powerless over what he does. It’s sad that so many of us think that we can love someone so much that we can fix them. We simply can’t.

  4. Gal says:

    My daughter attended a state-sponsored outpatient drug program a few years back. She later told me she was using the whole time. They would hand her the drug test and send her to the bathroom alone. She’d simply bring a jar of somebody’s clean urine with her. Frustrating.

  5. Terri says:

    My son also used during an outpatient program. He was even awarded a certificate of completion! Hang in there.

  6. Beach teacher says:

    Reminded me of bad past memories of finding a bunch of those small black plastic old school film containers in our son’s room- back before we all were digital & still had those around. They were all filled w/urine ….ewww- a neighbor kid that was clean gave D his urine. 😁 Don’t know what the payoff was for him. Actually – probably that D would hang out w/ him sometimes,…being that D was so “cool” & all. Ugh. I’m sorry you’re going through this – but am glad you’re feeling calmer about it – for however long that lasts. I hope it does last. True acceptance does provide that calm, I have found. Doesn’t mean we like the situation – but instead, at least stop having the mental fight with it that we did,..and that’s a relief. I wish you relief,..for you really deserve it. For your son – I wish (and will pray) that he sees the truth of all of this & has the motivation to turn it around,…or at least begin to baby step his way toward change for himself. God bless you Maddy

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