I know I am suppose to stay out of it BUT…

Would it be bad if I called J’s probation officer and asked her to call him in on an unexpected day to be drug tested? I am anxious for him to go in-patient mainly because then I can get a much needed break. You and I and the rest of the world know that this out-patient thing is not going to work. Soooooo…I just want to streamline the process. Yeah…I know pathetic. :o(

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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10 Responses to I know I am suppose to stay out of it BUT…

  1. Lisa says:

    I am pondering this right now so would love to see the answers! Of course I’m thinking my sons next punishment is state prison. That’s what they have threatened. Ask me if I care. Better than the alternative!!!

  2. Ron Grover says:

    Depends on the PO. A couple of Alex’s PO’s I felt like I was “on the team.” That was an unusual feeling, most of the time they wanted nothing to do with me and looked at me as an interference so I left them alone.

    Here are a couple times I wrote about dealing with Alex’s PO’s. http://parentsofanaddict.blogspot.com/2009/05/jail-does-no-good-for-addicts.html
    http://parentsofanaddict.blogspot.com/2009/04/new-person-to-help.html

    It’s a crap shoot about what you get with a PO. I’d say take your chance and call.

  3. Helga says:

    I would not do that. In retrospect it is best to totally stay out of our kids lives. If you want him out of your home, just drug test him randomly yourself.. If he flunks, he’s got to go. Just MHO!

  4. Annette says:

    God has a plan and when we jump in take matters into our own hands, we get in the way of that plan. Stepping back and letting it all play out as it will has worked better for me, and given me more serenity during those crazy times. Just sayin…..

  5. madyson007 says:

    I think you are all correct…just so tired of it lately. It is harder to maintain detachment when my own life feels so out of control. I think I am trying to control something I think I can but have no business being involved in. If that makes sense?

  6. Lisa says:

    I know I have struggled about calling here and there. And one thought I did have is that maybe others are right when they say let it play out as it should. I once thought..what if I call and tell them to bring him in and he gets so scared about the upcoming ramnifications of prison and kills himself….and I initiated the test? Things like that cross my mind too. Along with ‘this is a great idea and could save his life’. Extreme opposite ends of thinking so it makes me nuts trying to figure out the right thing to do!

  7. Helga says:

    I just would not condone using in my home . It would be part of the contract and I can test him all day long if I want to. If he has a problem with it he needs to move out. Involving the PO puts more stress on you because they might not totally cooperate with you. They have many charges to keep up with and some are totally burned out from my experience.

    • madyson007 says:

      Are you kidding me? You think I condone using in my home or anywhere? I can assure you that is not the case. He has no lock on his door, at one time he had no door.

      • Lisa says:

        We did no door! We then allowed a sheet hung up. Then down. No matter…he was going in the bathroom to do it. Where there’s a will there’s a way. Like Ron says…we can say don’t use in our home. They are gonna use in our home. I am gonna say something that is gonna get me blasted on here. But it’s just something I’ve been thinking. I’m not sure that opiate addiction is as hopeless to overcome as we have all assumed it to be. Why when my son is living in a sober home being drug tested 3 times per week is he able to be sober and stay sober and go to meetings like all the others in the house and then goes back to dabbling away when he is out? It seems to be a choice that is controlled by his ability to get away with it. Maybe being on the street for a few weeks might drive his choice too!

      • Ron Grover says:

        Rules seldom work for addicts. Tell me if rules have worked for you. Boundaries worked for me. Our son stole, he broke laws, he committed felonies and I foolishly believed my “rules” would work. LOL

        The only thing that worked was taking care of myself.

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