About two weeks ago I told his girlfriend that I was quite sure he was using regularly. She knew about his past but to me it seemed she turned a blind eye to his relapses. The poor girl was devastated and shocked. I have never shared any information with his GF because I really wasn’t interested in getting involved in their relationship. So she confronted him and he went into denial and the old stand-by “How can you not trust me?” and “My mom is a lunatic and always thinks I am high.” AND…Once again he made all sorts of promises and she believed him and life went on. Until a few days ago when she intercepted a few text messages on his phone.
She is blaming herself…but she still loves him and is so confused. Then she asked the big question: How can I help him? and What should I do? I looked at her and saw me 3 years a go….total destruction of a kind and loving soul. So with out a lot of thought I said to her: You did not cause this, you can not control his addiction and you sure as hell can’t cure it. What you should do is walk away, in fact you should run. J’s addiction will always be his mistress and you will have to share J with his mistress if you stay. As long as you are present and supportive and willing to forgive each time he lies…J never has to change. Not to mention his family still offers him a home while pretending he has no mistress…it’ a win-win for him. She has walked away.
J is fairly close to a nervous breakdown. He really is going to lose everything good in his life…his girlfriend…his family and his home and this time he knows it. My husband is furious. Once again, rehab is on the table or he will be homeless, either works for me because he won’t be here. So now he is in desperation mode. He is still trying to negotiate with promises we know he will never keep….. He is desperate to hold off on this for another two weeks because it will interfere with his last meeting and release from probation. How ironic…right? I want to call his probation officer and tell her he is not well at all and she should not release him but I am not really sure what this would accomplish?
I am so stressed out…I have my own worries. My 13-year-old is in therapy, my Bama girl is going to have to take on a huge amount of responsibility when I go into the hospital and my 9-year-old …well, he is NINE for Christ sakes he shouldn’t have to hear ANY OF THIS. AND I am going to have to tape my pain killers to my chest so J has no access to them but just maybe he will be gone before I get home from the hospital. FML