One of those phone calls…

The other day I was home sick and the phone rang…I looked up on the TV because it will tell me if it is a sales call or not. It said: ______State Police. My heart sunk. I am not sure what I thought exactly but I assumed it was probably not good news. In a matter of seconds all those memories of late calls from J at a police station or at the hospital or stranded in the middle of hell, hit me with such clarity I could taste my own fear.

I took a breath and said hello…sure enough they asked if J was was there. Without any fore thought or a plan I went into rescue and enable mode. “Well, officer no he is not here…oh does he live here? Well, umm sometimes? Do I have a number you can reach him at…I don’t know? What does that mean? Oh umm…I am not sure he has a cell?…it was pathetic.

J said, he had no idea what they wanted and looked legitimately bewildered. J asked me if it brought me pleasure when I accused him of using. I was furious and answered immediately without thinking… “No I do not get any satisfaction in being right. In fact, I feel pretty pathetic…I let you “use” in my house why we all avert our eyes. I feel sick about it…and I get sicker each day”. How does that make you feel J?8439efb85d759bb03b100c3dc0cc36b2

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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5 Responses to One of those phone calls…

  1. Lisa says:

    Whenever the phone rings I look. If its not an 800 number I look it up. If I can’t identify it I panic. I don’t know when that will stop. I feel your pain.

  2. Dawn M McCoy says:

    At least you were honest….

  3. Annette says:

    LOL Dawn…yeah, you could have said, “J who?”
    If the phone rang in the middle of the night I immediately would be sick and have to head into the bathroom while my hubs answered it. Its amazing what our bodies do….I always feel though those deep fear reactions are a “real reaction.” No drama, no imagination….just a real guttural response to a past trauma. Be gentle with yourself mama.

  4. Beach teacher says:

    Oh – it makes me sick too,..I still go right into panic mode. I hope I live to see the da when we all won’t automatically go there ,..but we’ve had some strong training,to think the worst, unfortunately. I’m sorry. : (. We just got a card in the mail saying our son has a warrant out for him in FLA.. That also made me sick to see…

    • Terri says:

      I still can’t stand to hear my son’s voice on the other end of the phone for first few seconds. Every nerve in my body goes into alert stage. It is just until I realize he is okay, not asking for money, or anything else that I calm down.

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