Why we are different…

Jeff’s comment from my previous post really got me thinking. Why can my husband and I not see eye to eye on the subject of J’s consequences. Believe me when I tell you my husband is not happy with J’s addiction in any way shape or form and he is not at all quiet about it.  Well, I am not happy about it either…then why is this so difficult? When I actually stopped and thought about it I can see where we diverge on many points.

Here is how I think my husband might see things differently then me:

  • It is a good thing that J does not look like an addict
  • He is showered and groomed each day
  • If he is using….I can’t tell
  • He has a full time job and has taken on a second one
  • He isn’t stealing
  • He has no use of any of our cars so I don’t have to worry about that
  • Maybe he really only uses once in awhile

DRUM ROLL PLEASE because here is the BIG ONE:

  • I am a functioning alcoholic…maybe J can be a functioning addict.
  • If my wife can ignore me being a drinker then maybe I can ignore J being an addict.

Here is how I see it:

  • If J uses once every blue moon, once a month, twice a year, only on Sunday or any other scenario he can think of, he is not in recovery…PERIOD.
  • J may not be malnourished, dirty and stinky like he used to be but he still looks like an addict to me.
  • If he is using…I CAN TELL
  • Having a job is not enough, living a life with purpose is more than just having a job
  • He hasn’t stolen but I have started hiding my purse again just because…_______(fill in with any thought you may have)
  • He doesn’t have a car because his girl friend and I drive him where ever he needs to go
  • I know he uses more than once in awhile
  • I don’t drink or smoke or take any drugs EVER
  • I ignore my husbands drinking because I know what I signed up for when I married him
  • My singular goal in life was not to raise an addict and have him die like my brother did…is that to much to ask?

Clearly I do not know exactly what my husband is thinking, so obviously I could be dead wrong about the list I created for my husbands thoughts. However, I can not help but think there is a thread of truth running through every single thing I wrote.


About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free when my oldest son went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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7 Responses to Why we are different…

  1. Dawn M McCoy says:

    I am thinking you are right…

  2. Sydney says:

    Maybe he needs to move out. It might help you detach a little bit.

  3. Jeff says:

    Perhaps I look at this differently, but personally IF, and that is a really, really big IF, J could use just now and then and not have it effect his life, I guess I would not care. If it were the case that J or anyone could do this, I mean really, what’s the big deal? Again, just talking if here – if J could use once or twice a week and everything else was fine, hell, let him do it. Just because you NEVER use does not mean J should never use. I really believe this. The real problem with all of that is J would be the one in a million person for whom this could work. It just simply will never stay at that level – it just never will – not for J, not for me, hell, not for you – NOT FOR ANYONE. It will just never stay at occasional use. It will progress and all of the other bad stuff will kick in – it always does. There is no such thing as a functioning opiate addict – not for ever anyhow. It works for a while, it works while it works, but eventually it all caves in.

    As for your thoughts about your husband, before I even read it, my chief thought was and is the fact that he too is an addict – and he knows it. It’s amazing how one’s thoughts change. Everyone wants the book thrown at criminals – until they break a law or someone they love does. Then not so much anymore. The disease of addiction is not only effecting J – it’s effecting J’s father/your husband. But you already knew that.

    See Mady… it may have taken a few years but you and I really are much of the same mind – arn’t we? 🙂

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