Jeff’s comment from my previous post really got me thinking. Why can my husband and I not see eye to eye on the subject of J’s consequences. Believe me when I tell you my husband is not happy with J’s addiction in any way shape or form and he is not at all quiet about it. Well, I am not happy about it either…then why is this so difficult? When I actually stopped and thought about it I can see where we diverge on many points.
Here is how I think my husband might see things differently then me:
- It is a good thing that J does not look like an addict
- He is showered and groomed each day
- If he is using….I can’t tell
- He has a full time job and has taken on a second one
- He isn’t stealing
- He has no use of any of our cars so I don’t have to worry about that
- Maybe he really only uses once in awhile
DRUM ROLL PLEASE because here is the BIG ONE:
- I am a functioning alcoholic…maybe J can be a functioning addict.
- If my wife can ignore me being a drinker then maybe I can ignore J being an addict.
Here is how I see it:
- If J uses once every blue moon, once a month, twice a year, only on Sunday or any other scenario he can think of, he is not in recovery…PERIOD.
- J may not be malnourished, dirty and stinky like he used to be but he still looks like an addict to me.
- If he is using…I CAN TELL
- Having a job is not enough, living a life with purpose is more than just having a job
- He hasn’t stolen but I have started hiding my purse again just because…_______(fill in with any thought you may have)
- He doesn’t have a car because his girl friend and I drive him where ever he needs to go
- I know he uses more than once in awhile
- I don’t drink or smoke or take any drugs EVER
- I ignore my husbands drinking because I know what I signed up for when I married him
- My singular goal in life was not to raise an addict and have him die like my brother did…is that to much to ask?
Clearly I do not know exactly what my husband is thinking, so obviously I could be dead wrong about the list I created for my husbands thoughts. However, I can not help but think there is a thread of truth running through every single thing I wrote.