Nor was it a religious experience…

I understand now why J has been sober for the last week or so…he had probation today. You can call J many things but dumb isn’t one of them. So, this was not a striking self realization that he can not live the drama filled life of an addict anymore. This was a self preservation move to keep from testing dirty. Jail is not something J is at all interested in experiencing. When he comes home from work tonight, I am guessing his eyes will look like two pin pricked pupils with the tell tale black circles underneath. I will keep you posted.

Interesting Observation: Some where in this long journey I must have figured out that being hopeful or excited never works out in my best interest. So I skipped that whole thing when I saw him all cleaned up and sparkling with energy. Go figure? It only took me 4 years!

These pictures below are a perfect illustration of how I can tell exactly where J is when he is using. Unfortunately for him, his eyes are light blue just like the eyes you see in these pictures. When J is actively using, his eyes at some point in the day will look exactly like the picture below.  As the opiate wears off his pupils will increase in size slightly but they will still be smaller than normal.images

When J is in the midst of withdrawal and at his lowest point, his eyes will look exactly like the bottom picture. When his pupils are this big I know he is hurting…big time. It is at this point he will usually take  Suboxone to ease his symptoms or start throwing up and start crying and then he will considering sticking his head in the oven…it’s ugly. Sadly, I am sure you all know exactly what I am talking about.  If he waits it out and gets clean slowly his HUGE pupils will start to shrink back to normal. If he continues to use Suboxone for an extended time his pupils continually fluctuate depending on when he took his last dose.






About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free when my oldest son went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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8 Responses to Nor was it a religious experience…

  1. Lisa says:

    I’ve never been good at pupil detection. But I’m good at watching the avoidance, staying in bathroom, paleness, and weight loss. I wish I wasn’t good at any of it. See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. I always have found probation week to be the calm before the storm. I believe an initiative to include probation schedules reporting in 3 times per week and drug testing included could solve a lot of longevity in the court systems. Physican rehab lasts 5 years with major accountability. There’s a reason for that. It’s successful too. They know something and are willing to invest in something the regular court system does not or will not invest in. UGH

  2. Erin says:

    My son does have to report 3 times a week once a week to probation, once a week to his social work at drug court and the third time at actual drug court this is for the next 18 months and then to probation weekly for a total of five years. This is for an aggravated dwi he received a prior dwi 3 years earlier. This includes drug testing and also they call you randomly and you have to go in for a drug test. Any positive tests drugs or alcohol you go to jail. We are in New York.

  3. Erin says:

    And I could so relate to the pupil pictures….. Ughhhhh what we go through

  4. Dawn M McCoy says:

    Never ceases to amaze me how damn smart the kids are about all the ways to use and get away with it, but so dumb on how to stop….

  5. Lisa says:

    I said to his PO ‘and what do you think he does the minute he leaves your office?’ I have a great idea….POA’s should be PO’s! The country would be a different place 😉

  6. anna says:

    I have seen both of these types of pupils. I did not know that the big ones were a sign of heroine withdrawal. I thought they were a sign of cocaine.

    • madyson007 says:

      It may very well be a sign of cocaine use but that is not J’s drug of choice. Opiate withdrawal causes pupils to dilate and if your eyes are light blue, grey or green it is like a window into your soul. J sometimes tries to wear sunglasses and hopes I won’t notice. LOL Sun glasses =BIG RED FLAG, he might just as well show me the bag.

      • Lisa says:

        Strange this subject is coming up. Yesterday I picked up my son from his sober house and I had mine on and it was getting cloudy and I said ‘I don’t know whether to where these things today or not’ his response ‘I got so used to wearing mine all the time the past few years I don’t even know the difference when you are supposed to’. Yeh. I know! Ugh

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