I understand now why J has been sober for the last week or so…he had probation today. You can call J many things but dumb isn’t one of them. So, this was not a striking self realization that he can not live the drama filled life of an addict anymore. This was a self preservation move to keep from testing dirty. Jail is not something J is at all interested in experiencing. When he comes home from work tonight, I am guessing his eyes will look like two pin pricked pupils with the tell tale black circles underneath. I will keep you posted.
Interesting Observation: Some where in this long journey I must have figured out that being hopeful or excited never works out in my best interest. So I skipped that whole thing when I saw him all cleaned up and sparkling with energy. Go figure? It only took me 4 years!
These pictures below are a perfect illustration of how I can tell exactly where J is when he is using. Unfortunately for him, his eyes are light blue just like the eyes you see in these pictures. When J is actively using, his eyes at some point in the day will look exactly like the picture below. As the opiate wears off his pupils will increase in size slightly but they will still be smaller than normal.
When J is in the midst of withdrawal and at his lowest point, his eyes will look exactly like the bottom picture. When his pupils are this big I know he is hurting…big time. It is at this point he will usually take Suboxone to ease his symptoms or start throwing up and start crying and then he will considering sticking his head in the oven…it’s ugly. Sadly, I am sure you all know exactly what I am talking about. If he waits it out and gets clean slowly his HUGE pupils will start to shrink back to normal. If he continues to use Suboxone for an extended time his pupils continually fluctuate depending on when he took his last dose.