….and I feel powerless at the moment

I really have entangled him from my life. I do not cook for him…if he is home for a dinner I made, he is welcome to have some but I do not prepare any meals for him. I do not clean his room nor do I do his laundry…driving is a different story. He needs to work so I will drive him to work and sometimes pick him up if he is desperate. I do not want him to lose his job…there is no walking or public transportation. When I say he has a bed and food and the use of my washer and dryer…I am serious. LOL That is it. But that in of it self is to much…I think he needs to be cold and hungry. He needs to choose between drugs or eating or maybe using and having a warm bed to sleep in. My husband is just not there yet and I feel powerless at the moment.

Things are very different then when I first started this blog…he is highly functioning. I don’t know or care what his work schedule is. It is 100% his responsibility to make sure he is up and has a ride. I don’t make any calls on his behalf. I also do not hide my purse…he has a job and so he has his own money. He bought everyone Christmas presents for the first time EVER. Things are much improved but I just can not pretend that he isn’t using when he sometimes does.

Maybe I should? Things would be so much easier if I just looked the other way but I just can’t. He seems to have forgotten the hell we all lived when he was un-functioning. The stealing, the lying, hiding my purse and car keys…I don’t ever want to go back there. I know how easy it is to fall back into hell…he thinks he has it under control and obviously doesn’t remember.

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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8 Responses to ….and I feel powerless at the moment

  1. Annette says:

    We are powerless. I have been talking with some people who have walked this path and they tell me that it is rarely what we would expect. I expected, go to treatment, get cleaned up, stay cleaned up because life would be so much better. But that was naive thinking. MOST addicts recovery happens in fits and starts in the beginning. A lot of addicts continue to smoke pot, or have a beer…and that is really they’re business. We get to decide what we can live with or not. Sobriety is rarely neat tidy package…I wish! But our comfort level, especially in our own home is what we do have control over.

  2. Dawn M McCoy says:

    Just…shit! Until your husband is on board…..and, like all of us, you re only trying to salvage what you can of what’s left of your family. Hang in there, I don’t know it will get better or worse, but just hang in there.

  3. He most likely does not remember much of anything from when he was consistently using. My son doesn’t remember … even after being clean for a couple of years. Walkin’ alongside you … xo

  4. Beach teacher says:

    Yes – a neat & tidy package – I really wanted that too. : (. And as far as the room cleaning & laundry stuff – reminds me of that lyric from Billy Joel – “you’re 21 and your mother makes your bed and that’s too long” – very true. So stick to your own boundaries & as Dawn said, hang in there. Thinking of you…

  5. Sheri says:

    I saw a lazy boy commercial last night where Brooke Shields was dreaming about a floral elephant because she was thinking of buying a piece of furniture she was unsure about and it would become the “elephant in the room”.
    Before i asked my son to leave our home ( which was the most heart wrenching decision I have ever made in my life), he was that elephant in the room. It didnt matter that I did nothing for him. It didnt matter that I gave him the silent treatment. He was still constantly there , sometimes sober and often times using.
    Please don’t take offense, I am not encouraging you to take the action I did. You have to do what is right for you and your family. If not doing for him works for you, that’s great. Unfortunately, it didnt work in my situation.
    Keeping you in my thoughts.

  6. I find it strange that your husband is the one who’s not on board with kicking him out but you are. Probably because its exactly the opposite in my house – my husband has NO PROBLEM with it, but I’m the one who struggles. You are all in my thoughts and prayers as always.

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