I don’t know what to say…

J has been clean since New Year’s Day. I am thrilled but torn. If J remains sober my husband will not support throwing him out on the 25th. I have seen J stay clean for 6 or 7 months at a time, weeks at a time, almost a year at one point. When he relapses we are all back to square one with setting a date to get out. After writing that last sentence, I can see I have very little hope. I didn’t type if he relapses…I typed when. It is just a matter of time and then what? We threaten and set dates again?

J’s lesson learned: I can see they mean business now, so I will get my shit together for a while and then when everyone lets their guard down…I will use just once because I deserve it for being such a good boy. Then maybe I will use just on the weekends because obviously I am in control of the situation and so it goes…

J absolutely can control when he uses and how much he uses and for how long…until suddenly he can’t. When will he realize that life is passing him by while he plays this stupid game. The answer: Never, why should he? He lives in a nice warm house, with all the food he can eat, laundry facilities and taxi-girl/friends/parents/sister to take him where he needs to go. He wants his car back…but can never quite answer the insurance question. This is crazy…

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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4 Responses to I don’t know what to say…

  1. Dawn M McCoy says:

    It is. Is there any way YOU can refuse to participate, and still remain in your family? I know it doesn’t sound like much, but it might give you inner peace. So make others give him a ride, etc. Maybe if you quit making it easy, others will start to see? IFK. In my family, its me that bears the brunt of errands, cooking, cleaning, etc. So don’t ride him anywhere. Don’t cook for him (if he eats with family, fine, but no lunches, etc) don’t clean his room, pick up after him, nothing. Just a thought.

  2. Yes, it is crazy. When I was in this loop, I finally got to the point where I said (when we was clean), “If you use again, you’re out.” (The term wasn’t “relapse” because then we’d argue about whether something was a real ‘relapse’ or just a ‘slip.’) He did use again. And I did tell him to leave. And that was the start of his real-life rehab. I’m not saying this will work for you; I don’t know if your husband would do it, or if you’d want to draw the line there, but it stopped the cycle for me. I’m sorry for your trouble; I know how painful it is.

  3. Omg I so feel you tonight. Just took my daughters car away again. She feels we are doing her an injustice and treating her like a 1o yr old. No just not putting up with the lies Anymore. We mean business – just as you do.

  4. Tori Lee says:

    My son has a new clean date now too 1/1/13. I personally have handled this way different than ever before. It sucks because I feel like it will happen again but for now I am trying to focus on that he is clean again and if or when it happens again we will deal with it….I don’t want to dwell on the what if now.

    It is so difficult when Parents aren’t on the same page I have been there too many times. This time is a little different, I expressed what I thought should be done, but ultimately I told my Husband I would support him in any decision he made. Regardless of what that would be. I think after years of trying to figure out what to do and then feeling really guilty when my idea miserably failed this time I figured my son had to see me support my Husband EVEN if I didn’t agree with him.

    I am still worried and really bummed out that he did this. I look at him differently and he knows it. But this is my house he is a 22 y.o. Adult and I am tired of allowing his stupid choices to rule my World. I really like what Dawn wrote. You can refuse to participate and work on yourself.

    Prayers for you and your family.

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