#11 Green…

1209756873ex2Gj3I hate disappointing my children but I realize it is a life skill that needs to be mastered. In this day and age there isn’t a lot of opportunities to learn: disappointment is something that you feel and then let go of. It took me a long time to realize that this was a really important teachable lesson that needed to happen. I think J is just now learning that lesson…..which explains a lot.

My older daughter learned this lesson naturally and very early in life. When she was at a gymnastics competition, she knew she was not going to win on every event. She learned that there were others that were going to get their kip or there back hand spring first etc… L is a terrific well rounded package and the time she invested in gymnastics really has shaped the kid she is today. She is beautiful, smart and talented. She is a hard worker who has learned that if you try hard enough good things will come of it. My other children have not mastered this skill either. I need to make a conscious effort to make this happen.

This Christmas J has asked for nothing….that is a miracle in itself. He knows that he is entitled to nothing and will be grateful for what he receives. Unlike past Christmases where he would rack his brain for the most expensive thing he could think of…those days are long gone. My older daughter has asked for nothing and my youngest son has asked for nothing. These three children will be happy with whatever they get.

Then there is my younger daughter, the one that reminds me of J. She has asked for presents that would total a  grand if I got her all of them. She will be disappointed because there is no possible way to fulfill her every wish…yet I find myself trying? I know…crazy right? I will help her deal with her disappointment Christmas morning but I will also be disappointed that she still has no concept of money. I am to blame but it’s not to late. She is only 12. I still have time. Right?

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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6 Responses to #11 Green…

  1. Dawn M McCoy says:

    She is 12? Find a homeless shelter, or a local church free meal program. Go and volunteer with her. Pint is now 13, and it helped ENORMOUSLY when we started volunteering to help the homeless. Gave her a completely different outlook. No more “entitlement” thinking.

  2. Tori Lee says:

    I love what Dawn writes…..she is so wise. My older one the Addict “Recovering” still has his sights set so ridiculously high, but my 14 y.o. is the complete opposite. He rarely asks us for anything which leds me to believe often it is because he feels like the older one sucked the life and finances out of us!

    I think if I had the same problem with the 14 y.o. that I do the 22 y.o. I would most certainly do what Dawn suggests.

  3. Joie Lake says:

    It’s ok to dream, but this is also a time to learn. My sister was in a similar crunch one year and simply laid it out to her kids, who were long past the time of believing that $anta was still a real situation, and asked what 3 items they really had on their list, and that while she would consider those, they also might go through their own belongings and decide what they could donate to a shelter. My own daughter has adopted a family the past 15 years and her kids realize, as is mentioned above, that there are many who are in need, and that they have an opportunity to be a champion.

  4. Lisa says:

    My addict is texting huge lists from the sober home. You wouldn’t believe …well maybe you all would haha

  5. sheila says:

    This entitlement thing was always a huge frustration with me. For Xmas and her birthday, L always wanted the newest, coolest, most expensive of everything. If she didn’t get it, she would get in a nasty funk. No matter how generous we and other relatives were, she was ungrateful. I tried to help her deal with her disappointment, but she never did get the idea. I don’t know how many Xmas afternoons I spent feeling really hurt and unappreciated.

    When she was growing up, we did service projects at church and helped at a soup kitchen, but in the long run it didn’t sink in. She still has no concept of money. Unfortunately, her father is enabling this big time instead of helping her learn.

    Several times when she was growing up, she mentioned that she was worried she was a sociopath. Sometimes I wondered too. After reading the book, The Sociopath Next Door (at my therapist’s urging), it is certainly a possibility. Sociopaths by definition do not feel empathy. It’s just not wired into their brains. Maybe they wish they could feel it, but they can’t.

    For most kids, though, I think they can get the message. Best wishes with yours, madyson!

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