once it is broken it can rarely be put back together exactly the same way.” My relationship with my son will never be the same…and that is ok. I have come to terms with that. What hurts the most is the lost innocence in the pure unconditional belief that my son will tell me the truth. That can never be put back together. He could one day earn my trust back but it will be a different kind of trust one that is diluted by past events. A conditional trust that can not ever wipe clean past memories of J’s pure blue eyes looking into mine swearing that all is well knowing that I know he is lying.
The reality for J may be setting in…What will happen if I really do get thrown out on January 25th??? It must be working it’s way into his thick head. He seems to have pulled himself together once again. Faith that it will last…zero. Is he doing this because he wants to live a sober life with all his heart…how would I know? Probation is about every two or three months which means it is coming up soon. Is he choosing sobriety for himself or to pass his mandatory drug test. I think we all know the answer to that. I hope more than anything he will make me eat those words.