I can’t even…

I think I will need this blog even if my husband thinks I am pathetic. I guess the line I will draw is not to include my husband in my writing. This actually will be really hard because he plays an integral part in our lives. Mostly because he is J’s dad and my husband. Go figure? Also, because his own struggle with addiction impacts us all so much more than he will ever realize.

I think my blog might sound different or stilted for a while but I am hoping I will relax and eventually it will feel normal again. I have asked my husband not to read my blog but I am just not sure he can really abide by that. I will take my chances because stuffing my thoughts back inside actually feels dangerous. I know that sounds a little melodramatic but I really think my health would suffer. I don’t do drama and stress well at all. You would think this would be a learned skill…something that you would get better at as time passed. Doesn’t seem to work that way for me. Hmm… but really does it work that way with anyone?

I want to thank you all for your continued encouragement. You guys always know just the right thing to say to set me back on a better path. I am also very honored when some of you comment, that my blog has some how helped or comforted you. My first reaction is always “Geeze Louise don’t make me any kind of role model because I am an emotional nut case…” but when I think about it, all of you do the same thing for me when I read your blogs. The good, the bad and the ugly it all has value.

I want to make  “special mention” to all those readers who don’t have a blog but comment in the most honest and open way. It touches my heart…I just need you to know that I realize being vulnerable is hard and sometimes very painful. I hope and pray that some peace comes when you share bits of your life with me…with us. You are part of the club nobody ever wanted to join… and I sadly welcome you with open arms.

HEY! Who the heck signed me up for this club anyway? Seriously! I can’t even…


About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free when my oldest son went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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6 Responses to I can’t even…

  1. Annette says:

    Madyson, I am glad you are going to keep blogging. It is odd how comforting it is to get it all out in such a public forum. But it is. I think the crucial piece, is that we aren’t alone.

  2. Connie says:

    Madyson, I’m chiming in with Annette. I’m so glad you will keep writing. I think you’re right about it being good for your health. What this has reminded me of is, in my own experience, how the addicts always got to speak whatever they wanted to say, and I was always watching my words for fear of their reactions. But, dang it, not here. This is our sacred space. However you have to write, you do it and we’ll keep reading. Yup – one crazy club!

  3. Dawn says:

    Oh, if not for my blog, I would have literally had a nervous breakdown. As it was, I had 2 heart attacks, and many health issues from the stress of having an addict daughter. My blog was my salvation. When my family got pissed I made it private and my blog friends subscribed. No one can access it without an email invite from me. Kind of my family has one lol.

  4. HerBigSad says:

    Go private? Dawn did that for a bit, which I see she mentioned. Seriously. It is your blog, it benefits your mental health, and it’s not anyone’s business that you don’t want it to be. And if you do so, please let me know so I can continue reading. I don’t blog much now – but I do read/comment. I care very much and I pray for you and your family daily. (Hug!)

  5. Sheila says:

    Glad you’re going to keep blogging. I’ll keep reading!

  6. I think blogging, whether we agree with each other’s methods etc , is a way to show new parents the light at the end of the tunnel. Please…keep holding your torch as you do light the way.

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