We appear to be back on track….

J had probation today. The week before was a drag as I could see he was withdrawing. It wasn’t the puking, anxiety, shaking in pain, I don’t want to live anymore kind of withdrawal. More of a…can’t sleep, cranky, I have a back ache kind of thing and OMG I still have to work???? I think he is really wondering “Why did I think a casual little episode was a good idea?” At least that is what I am hoping. The worst thing is it took him immediately from a somewhat normal sleep/wake schedule to a “I can’t sleep no matter what schedule. I think addicts lack the common sense it takes to learn from their mistakes…Ya think? DUH! Where is that hammer for knocking some of that into his head? I am tired of having to watch him figure it out.

Every time he relapses he gets farther and farther away from us ever giving him his car back and closer and closer to a homeless shelter. I want him to work, he needs to make money to pay his bills but I also want him to have his car back because I don’t want to be a taxi anymore. Before I get messages about letting him find his own way to work…there is NO PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION available…at all. If he wants to work…he needs a ride. That would be the case whether he lived with us or not and I want him to work! Now the problem with the whole working thing is:

Money is a curse and a HUGE trigger for him and I really don’t have an answer for that, not that it is up to me to come up with one…just sayin’

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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3 Responses to We appear to be back on track….

  1. Erin says:

    Oh I hear you about the car thing! Since my son’s license was suspended in June he has needed rides to probation twice a week (at least 20 minute drive), out-patient meetings four days a week, and rides to and from work. The burden fell on me and my younger son. It was awful. He just entered an in-patient program for 29 days and my son and I are so happy to be getting a break. I know what you mean about money it is also a huge trigger with my son and I was torn as well, he needed and wanted to work but he did have his relapse/overdose with that money. It is really tough. They are recommending a sober living home after in-patient for six months and I’m praying that happens, number one of course for my son’s well-being and number two it is really too much having to drive him everywhere he needs to go. And yes, like you I had people telling me he should take a bus and we do not live on a bus line either so it was not an option for us.

  2. Tori Lee says:

    Well I do live near bus lines and I still am a taxi to my son. I felt the last thing he needed was to be sitting at the bus stop and be picked up by one of the people he used to use with. I have been his taxi for 11 months now with drug court, meetings and school. I work around his schedule and it is very hard but he is still sober. After he made 12 months sobrierty we told him we would get him a little car. We are working on that as it is now 13 months.

    I wonder if that is why the Judge and his Counselor for drug court requested (since he was moving back in with us) that he NOT WORK. When he got to phase 2 and it went from 10 times a week to 5 they told us he could go to school NOT WORK. So here we are and he is taking 4 classes and now in phase 3 still not working. The Judge told him, “Your job is to stay sober.” I worry when he graduates drug court next month how I will feel about him working part-time? I really don’t want him to but I know he should and financially needs to.

    Don’t worry about what people think. We have to go with our gut not everyone else’s.

  3. Beeachteacher says:

    Try to avoid restaurant work. I used to waitress for years and never worked in a place where 1 or many more of the cooks were drug users. Very common,…& plenty of drug glorifying talk. Jusypt thought I’d mention it.

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