J had probation today. The week before was a drag as I could see he was withdrawing. It wasn’t the puking, anxiety, shaking in pain, I don’t want to live anymore kind of withdrawal. More of a…can’t sleep, cranky, I have a back ache kind of thing and OMG I still have to work???? I think he is really wondering “Why did I think a casual little episode was a good idea?” At least that is what I am hoping. The worst thing is it took him immediately from a somewhat normal sleep/wake schedule to a “I can’t sleep no matter what schedule. I think addicts lack the common sense it takes to learn from their mistakes…Ya think? DUH! Where is that hammer for knocking some of that into his head? I am tired of having to watch him figure it out.
Every time he relapses he gets farther and farther away from us ever giving him his car back and closer and closer to a homeless shelter. I want him to work, he needs to make money to pay his bills but I also want him to have his car back because I don’t want to be a taxi anymore. Before I get messages about letting him find his own way to work…there is NO PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION available…at all. If he wants to work…he needs a ride. That would be the case whether he lived with us or not and I want him to work! Now the problem with the whole working thing is:
Money is a curse and a HUGE trigger for him and I really don’t have an answer for that, not that it is up to me to come up with one…just sayin’