that I am sure was not intended to offend, but it immediately put me on the defense. Of course I am grateful J has managed to maintain his sobriety. I am back to wishing again. J has worked on and off for painters, movers, landscaping friend etc…but nothing steady. Is it wrong for me to want or expect more or should I just be happy he is sober? Am I not detaching with love if I still have dreams for J?
After reading the above paragraph the first thing I wanted to do was delete it. As we have all experienced the bottom can drop out at anytime. That state of anxiety is not enough for me to give up my hopes and dreams for J. Yes I want him to stay sober. Yes I want him to be happy and healthy. BUT I still want him to have a future, where he can take care of himself, find love and have a family. That requires some kind of steady employment with room to advance. I am scared. Hope still seems like a dangerous indulgence. Will this feeling ever really go away?