I was a little offended by a comment…

that I am sure was not intended to offend, but it immediately put me on the defense.  Of course I am grateful J has managed to maintain his sobriety. I am back to wishing again. J has worked on and off for painters, movers, landscaping friend etc…but nothing steady. Is it wrong for me to want or expect more or should I just be happy he is sober? Am I not detaching with love if I still have dreams for J?

After reading the above paragraph the first thing I wanted to do was delete it. As we have all experienced the bottom can drop out at anytime. That state of anxiety is not enough for me to give up my hopes and dreams for J. Yes I want him to stay sober. Yes I want him to be happy and healthy. BUT I still want him to have a future, where he can take care of himself, find love and have a family. That requires some kind of steady employment with room to advance. I am scared. Hope still seems like a dangerous indulgence. Will this feeling ever really go away?

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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3 Responses to I was a little offended by a comment…

  1. Dawn McCoy says:

    no, the feeling hasn’t gone away for me in 13 years yet. i continue to be both disgusted and disappointed. she is on MMT and has been for 6 years, but still lives the junkie lifestyle. if she were clean and productive, maybe. but…she isn’t. i still don’t consider MMT clean, although i do get alot of sh*t for that. but really, it’s just legal heroin with the buzz taken out. it’s prescription though, and it keeps her off the streets buying, so i am not saying it’s bad…just not drug free.

    hope for me is gone. now it is just existing day to day, and not having ANY expectations from her. ANY. really. it does get easier when they don’t live with you. at least for me. And, i did have the kids to focus on, that helped alot.

    hugs…..dawn

  2. Barbara says:

    Of course you want more for J, who wouldn’t want more? Yes, being sober is the most important factor because without that everything else is a moot point. But I think its natural to long for our children to succeed (in whatever way suits them) and live fulfilled lives. But as far as every getting over the worrying about relapses etc….I wouldn’t know about that, but I imagine if my son every gets enough time under his belt I will always worry about it.

  3. Joy says:

    This parenting of an addict is so damn hard. The fear is crippling sometimes. I completely understand you wanting more for your boy. Of course you do. I want my boy to be free and to have peace and his heart’s desires. Of course he’s not free and his heart’s desire is heroin right now. But when/if he does get sober, I know that I will still struggle with the fear. Praying for you, for all of us today. And for our children, no matter where they are in their path of sobriety. Hugs to you.

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