You all need to know….

I see that someone has visited my blog and read a large number of my posts. I hope there was some wise nugget of information you were able to take away with you or maybe just some comfort that you are not alone on this journey.

I will never forget the day that I discovered there was a community of parents who were also navigating through the world of their child’s addiction. I was so relieved to know that I was not alone.

When I first stumbled on my son’s addiction, I was so filled with shame I could barely breathe. In fact I literally had trouble swallowing. I had no idea how sick I was. I had no idea how sick I looked. A co-worker recently told me that when I came back to work that summer, she thought I was ill. In fact, she really thought I had cancer. I had been loosing weight through the year but it was in the spring that things really hit the fan. So coming back in September was startling for my co-workers.

It really was not until I started blogging about what was going on in my life that things slowly started to improve. It was like all these thoughts and feelings I was stuffing deep down inside had a place to go. When other parents, former and even active addicts started commenting that was when I realized I was not alone. Prior to that for all intents and purposes I was alone and miserable.

I don’t think I can say this enough but thank you so much for being there. Do you guys realize you saved my life? If I had gone on stuffing my feelings and enabling my son one of us would have been dead by now…for sure. I love you all and pray for our children every day. 

Addiction with out a doubt may be the worst thing that ever happened to me but it has made me the woman I am today. A more compassionate and empathetic person but also stronger and more equipped to deal with the challenges that are certain to arise.

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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16 Responses to You all need to know….

  1. Ron Grover says:

    No thanks required. That’s just what we do for each other. (you included)

  2. Lisa says:

    I remember discovering your blog (and Rons) and feeling like I had come alive again. Like I wasn’t alone. It saved me. You saved me. I had lost 10 pounds in a few weeks. Lost weight faster than my son. I looked like an addict. Thank you for saving me. Thank your son too. Because when you started to post about a light at the end of the tunnel for HIM…I felt like I could at least have hope for a better possibility in our lives. Its been up an down. Still is. But the blogs have helped me sooooooo much. I remember our first professional intervention. My daughter, the wise one in our family and a non addict crippled by her brothers addiction said ‘well my mom is the sane calm one because she has her blogs and is very knowledgeable about all of this’….like I had some kind of gift from being connected. I went home and thought about it and I decided I sort of do! Xoxoxoxo

  3. Helga says:

    I came across the blogs after contact with my daugther had already broken off. I so wish I had known about it when I went through the trial and tribulations with her. So much wisdom! I was so naive and gullable before I read all the blogs and I have learned so much. I am glad I stumbled upon “us” . It has helped me tremendously.

  4. Annette says:

    Thank YOU for being here. I remember once I began sharing about what was really going on….it was like a flood of feelings, relief, everything, just came gushing out. I had to get it out and blogging was a wonderful avenue, vs. using up everyone’s listening power in my real life! lol Also, I could write about a lot of it much easier than putting it into verbal words. What a strange dynamic though….when you think about it. Sharing our personal struggles publicly with strangers and it is so darn therapeutic! :o) I am so glad you are here.

  5. Tori says:

    Blogging “saved” me too. I was so very lost in so many ways. I was tired of telling my friends and I am sure they were tired of hearing something that they simply could not relate too for years. Once I started blogging still having no idea anyone would ever read about it Ron from Dad and Mom found me and from there all these wonderful people were there to “listen” and they could relate.

    It was so nice sadly to know I was not alone. I read your blog as I do many others and have found life-long friends to help me through this journey.

  6. Connie says:

    This community kept me sane as well. I appreciate you so much. And, you have inspired me to get back to my own blog which I’ve neglected for a long time. Thank you for being here, for walking the walk and sharing your journey! XXOO

  7. Syd says:

    You are helping many to see that life does go on even in the midst of sorrow. And that changed attitudes are everything.

  8. Barbara says:

    Right back at ya. I think what you wrote here is true for all of us. I wouldn’t have survived this long if not for this community! I ditto all you said here, I am a better person because of having to deal with this – but its the worst thing by far that has ever happened to me, and considering the abuse and rape and all the other shit I’ve been through – that says A LOT.

  9. Lisa Carp says:

    I blogged for about six months, thinking I was the only parent that had this addiction tragedy in my life; and telling myself that the purpose for my blog was to keep a close group of close friends (I never shared the blog with my family members) updated on Bryan’s trials and tribulations so that they didn’t feel they had to ask, and I didn’t have to actually talk about it. And then all of a sudden, there were comments from a group of people that understood exactly what I was going through. It was stunning,and it opened my heart. I no longer felt the shame I felt when I had to say that Bryan was stealing thousands of dollars from a credit card, or that he pawned his dad’s wedding ring (which he never wore). Everyone understood that t his is simply the world of addiction.

    Every blog, including yours, and the comments on those blogs have given me hope and the feeling that I could survive all of this (and I have). Bryan’s addiction was the worst thing I ever faced, and I am a better worman because of it. Thank you to all.

  10. Joy says:

    It may have been me reading your posts. I was so lost before I found all of you other POA’s. Some days the only thing that helps me to let go is the words you all have written. It even helps me when i read what some of you write about your kids falling, and then for me to pray for them and for you.

    So i say thank you to each and every one of you. Peace be with us all today.

    • Lisa says:

      Hope the blogs have helped you as much as they have helped all of us

      It’s nice to feel so not alone and remove the shame of how it feels to be a POA. And of course the fear and sadness and helplessness. Important thing to do is jump out of the boat that’s sinking and save yourself. No sense of going down with a ship you did not captain or build 😉

  11. Annonymous says:

    Just wanted to say thank you for sharing your stories and comments. I have learned so much from all of you and feel a sense of peace and hope when I visit. I found this community a few years ago when my addict was in crisis mode. I naively thought that things would turn around a lot faster than they have. I am sure I am not the only lurker out there so on behalf of all of us,……thank you. I celebrate with you when your loved ones are doing well and pray and weep with you when they take a few steps back. It is so comforting to know I am not alone. Right now, things are ok, I try to keep my expectations low and my faith strong.

  12. Matt's mom says:

    I blundered across your blog. Well, sheepishly, I will say that I have seen this addiction thru til the END. Yup, capitalized. At age 16 my son was prescribed vicodin for a bad toe infection/surgery. At age 25 he died of heroin. In his own words he traced the story. Wow, so many people that are going thru this. Well, I’m a bit late on the game having faced it alone: I didn’t know blogs existed until I had to take a class and do one. Nothing was more important to me than his death, so that is what I blogged. You see he told me just before he died that he wanted me to have his journals “if anything happened to him.” He said that they would explain it all. Reading his journals I was given great insight to his pain and struggles. I just didn’t have any idea how very much he wanted to be “free/” Therefore, I am just writing up his last year of life as an addict, but more importantly as my son and a human. I find that so many forget that addicts are people. I see here that you all realize thiis. This blog is a great gathering place. Thanks for keeping it up.

  13. Beeachteacher says:

    These blogs are truly what have helped me have the support I so desperately needed. Thank you for yours. I pray for your son’s recovery and for others as well. I believe our prayer is powerful, as well as our connection to each other. We all have known how much others don’t get it, in the way we “get” & relate to each other, no matter how close they may be to us in our real lives, or how well meaning. I thank you & all the other parents of addicts bloggers that have held me up when I’ve needed it.

  14. Chevy says:

    I’ve just recently found out that my son was addicted to more than marijuana. He enjoyed marijuana and said it made him relax even though he knew how much I objected to it. Little did I know that it was only going to get worse. He found himself in trouble with the law in November and was required to take drug classes for 13 weeks. I thought it was nothing, you just give up the use, it’s that simple, at least in my mind. Because of the requirement for him to take drug classes, it made him have to confront his real addiction to oxycontin. I don’t know much about this drug and have been reading about it’s affects, symptoms, etc the past few weeks trying to figure them out. I have told my son that I am no longer going to sit by while he continues down this path of self destruction. I have been there to listen, encourage and support his recovery. I know that it is his battle and I can love and encourage him to seek help but I can’t do it for him. Last night was a rough night, his body is going through withdrawals and he is agitated and restless. He says he wants to get clean but when the symptoms of withdrawal are so strong, he says he just wants to use. I have phone numbers of residential rehabs that do medication detox but he is afraid to go into one, knowing that it will be a lot of work and pain. I keep explaining to him that in order for his life to improve, he must get through the worst of it by addressing the situation head on and not being in denial. I know if he doesn’t go this route by choice through residential, he will go through withdrawal by force in jail. I am concerned about suicide as he says that he just can’t do the withdrawals and wishes he was just dead. I have to constantly remind myself that I can love and encourage him but he has to make the choice to get the help he needs. as I just want to fix it. I’ve found a meeting for family members of narcotic addicts and plan on attending Thursday night. I will continue to encourage him to call for residential help and hope and pray he will find the help he needs.

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