Except one little thing…

Vacation was fabulous! We returned today to an immaculately cleaned house with a well manicured lawn, bursting with flowers that must have been watered daily to survive this horrible heat wave. J looked absolutely wonderful. I have not seen him look this good in such a long time. He just looks so healthy…tan and strong! He has been working for the landscaper friend again almost everyday! I am so happy to see a bounce back in his step. Work really does do a body and soul good. I can see it, he feels some satisfaction and has a some self-worth. Please don’t let this end.

I am so pleased with all the progress he has made except for one little thing. My father took it upon him self to pay off all J’s fines…like $5000.00 dollars worth. What bothers me about this is the obvious. He once again was rescued. My parents feel like he has suffered enough and he needs to move past the heavy weight of these fines. I am really confused about whether to be happy or worried? He will be able to drive in 24-48 hours??? Only guess what? We can not insure him on our policy nor can he drive ANY of our vehicles, including the car he considers his own (which we never sold and why is that?). If and when he can afford to pay for his hefty car insurance we would have to relinquish the car to his name because he can not drive any car that falls under our umbrella of insurance. So now we have to give him a car? Not so fast…I am not ready for this.

The only positive about this is that he can apply for any job that requires a driver’s license. The other potential positive is he can dramatically expand his job search beyond our immediate area and he can work any time of the day. The freedom of J having a car terrifies me. I know I need to not overly invest in any of this but it is really hard for me. The driving thing just brings back all sorts of very bad memories. All the horrible concrete consequences that J has experienced happened while he was in his car. Now my parents have erased the fines of those consequences??? Should I be pleased?

 

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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6 Responses to Except one little thing…

  1. Tori says:

    I am dealing with the same emotions with my son. Including my Mom willing to pay off the last off his fines, having to exculde him from our insurance and the freedom of him driving. Or riding a motorcycle. I worry that new found freedom will be too much for him to handle.

    It really is hard to know what the best thing is.

  2. Barbara says:

    I think all grandmothers must be alike. I’m glad to hear you had a great time and hope this dilemma is solved in the best way possible.

  3. Dee says:

    Yeah, same here with the veeery generous in-laws who have but one grandchild – my son.
    But, what is done is done – so kudos to you for looking at the positive aspects. And since the fines are paid…perhaps Js extra cash can go toward insurance.

    Glad to hear J is still doing well!

  4. we cannot control the peripheral enablers… they have to learn as we did. It is difficult to deal with but it is part of the “FAMILY” disease concept… I will u well – peace and strength!

  5. Jeff says:

    Hmmmm, am I the only reader seeing how Mady’s father totally underminded her parenting? Didn’t even ask? Yeah, no doubt he felt “I’m the father/grandfather, I don’t need to ask my daughter or anyone else what I can do with my money.” Would it work the same way if he gave him cash to pay off a drug debt or buy more? What he did was very, very wrong in my opinion. You just don’t undermine the parents – you don’t do it. Although you now see where the enabling behavior came from. Mady has just had the good sense to learn about it and stop doing it. Dad on the other hand has not. I have to wonder how your husband feels about this. Is he furious? If so, he has a right to be. I’m sorry this happened to you and to J. Your dad was very wrong to do what he did.

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