I love my husband, little gut, greying temples, drinking problems and all. I relinquished my voice. I don’t think he stole it from me and there really is a big difference. I think I am a people pleaser. I am a woman who goes through life trying not to make waves. I trained myself well growing up in a family with an addict who was the focus of my parents attention…I worked hard to be invisible. At some point, pleasing my husband became more important than pleasing my self…maybe not more important but certainly easier. It was a stupid thing to do because now when I feel strongly about something, it is very easy for my husband to dismiss my feelings and it hurts. I have created a bit of a monster. Now it is just a matter of, what he thinks is important just IS, because he thinks it. Nothing is up for discussion any more and that is a very sad reality.
Extracting myself from this position I have put myself in will not be easy. It will not be matter of just finding a voice and using it. My husband is going to be bewildered and resistant. I don’t know if it is worth the effort but I am not sure our marriage will survive if I don’t.