Some where along the line…

I gave up my voice in my marriage…it is most definitely my fault. My husband didn’t say “Oh, from now on you no longer have a voice in any important decisions” but never the less that is exactly what has happened. Why would I do that? How did I let this happen. How is it my husband decides what is important. I am really bewildered by this dilemma I find myself in and don’t really know if it can be changed.


About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free when my oldest son went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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4 Responses to Some where along the line…

  1. Sheila says:

    Hi Madyson, I know how you feel. I did the same thing with my ex-husband. After we separated, I did some reading about boundaries, codependency, and cognitive therapy, and I realized it had something to do with that. I am a people pleaser, and I was an enabler. I bent over backwards to accommodate him (and our daughter), and after a while, they came to expect that.

    I stopped attending to my own feelings and needs. I stopped expressing what I needed to my ex-husband.

    I know that it got worse after my daughter started acting out. I was so focused on her that I lost myself.

    A really helpful book I recently read was Attached. It talks about different attachment styles in relationships and how to make them work. I wish I’d read it before my marriage ended. It might help you:

    Best wishes,

    PS – I haven’t written in quite some time, but I think you are doing well in having appropriate expectations of J. Good for you!

  2. onemomtalking says:

    I did the same thing in my marriage. I don’t know how it happened — one little decision at a time I guess. Or I got tired of arguing. I hope you find your voice again. It doesn’t cease to exist — I think it just gets lost in a closet or a basement box or maybe in our own back yard …

  3. Terri says:

    I can identify with that. It was just easier for me to let him take the reigns. I was too busy dealing with my son to make any big decisions. If it is something that I feel strongly about I will voice my opinion. If not, then I have better ways to use my mental energy.

  4. Barbara says:

    Speaking from no experience whatsoever, sometimes we do things to keep the peace. I think women are often the ones who are willing to make certain types of sacrifices. If it gets to the point that its causing resentment…maybe time to work it out with your husband (if possible….but it sounds like it may not be?)

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