I think both scenario’s are a little bit right…

J is not trying hard enough and by that I mean he should be applying for jobs in mass quantity until something sticks. However, there are a limited amount of jobs available in a reasonable radius. Also, most jobs now a days you apply online for…I really hate this. On a piece of paper he is just a young adult who hasn’t had a steady job in close to two years and that is without even mentioning his felony conviction.

Networking is definitely missing from this equation. I am a teacher and not interested in sharing J’s past with co-workers or influential parents, which is actually a shame because I work in one of the most influential school districts in our state. In fact, the governor lives in the town I work in. When I think of the parents whose children attend our schools, what a waste of potential networking. Very sad…

My husband comes up with all these great idea’s for J but ultimately they all involve sharing J’s past with people we know and I will not do that. Maybe it is my fault, maybe I just need to put all out on the line and start telling J’s story and network. I just don’t think this is a healthy career move for my husband or for myself.

J networking sounds great in theory but he is not involved in NA/AA. Then, this all goes back to me making him go and I really don’t want to go there. If he went to meetings exclusively to network for a job???? How respectful is that to a 12 step program?

J is required to do community service every week so he actually does do volunteer work. He volunteers at the firehouse…cleans, helps with Bingo and what ever else they need. He also works on the local senior citizen bus…which I think is really sweet. He helps seniors carry packages and groceries up to their apartments. Not much networking potential going on at either of those volunteer jobs.

Anyone have some volunteer jobs they can think of that actually might lead to another job? I also want to mention how much I appreciate all of your thoughts and concerns (even when I hate what some of you have to say…LOL). I almost always have the feeling that you are all on my side and that can feel so good when I feel so alone.



About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free when my oldest son went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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9 Responses to I think both scenario’s are a little bit right…

  1. lauren says:

    Here is a website that lists the companies that hire people with felonies.
    Maybe that will help.

  2. Beeachteacher says:

    Have you tried any painting contractors ? Just a thought. Good luck.

  3. Debby says:

    For what it’s worth, I have become very open about my son’s past to people. I have refined a very simple version. Basically, I tell them that my son fell in with the wrong crowd in high school and took a wrong turn onto a wrong road. I tell that that he got addicted to opiates (I try not to use the word heroin, as that scares them). I tell that them that it was difficult, but that he has found his way back, is clean and rebuilding his life. I also tell them that I was a really good mom, that I once blamed the parents for having drug addicts for kids. Then I proceed to tell that that it has humbled me, and that I never, EVER expected this to happen to me. In other words, keep the information you share to be brief. I am amazed at how the majority of people I’ve told this to, have offered compassion and not judgment. I even told my principal (I work for a school, too) that I am open to talking to any parents whose kids have been caught with drugs. I have vowed that I will be open enough so that maybe I can reach just ONE high school kid. You can turn J’s story into triumph and hope. That’s what I’ve chosen to do. I wish you all the best.

  4. Syd says:

    Has he thought about starting his own business such as shopping for groceries for seniors or running errands for them? What about doing lawn care on his own? Maybe transportation is a big issue here and that’s not feasible. If enough stuff gets thrown out there, something will stick.

  5. Cassie says:

    I know exactly where you’re coming from about keeping your child’s addiction private. It is embarrassing but I think you are doing a disservice to your fellow human beings. I found that when I spoke of my son’s h addiction so many people opened up to me. They have a friend or a brother or niece … that is a drug addict. I’m just giving my two cents worth. You will know what’s best for you and yours. My wishes are that things go better for you guys.

  6. Helga says:

    All good comments here, Madyson. You’d be surprised how many of the “Influentual” parents have or know of a drug addicted child in their family. This disease is so prevalent, that hardly a family remains untouched. The thing with J is not that he is a drug user, but that he is a recovering addict. There is a huge difference, because it is a miracle in itself. You’d be surprised how much some people are willing to help once you open up to them. You are never alone, we are with you every step on the way. God bless.

  7. former addict in recovery says:

    I got really angry when I read this post. It sounds horrible to me that you would even think of hiding your son’s past because you are obviously ashamed, and you are worried about what it would do to your career, BUT I have to remember, we are not all the same, and you are trying to learn what the right thing is to do because you have this blog and you are always asking, “what do I do, what did I do ?” The problem I see is that you are not listening to all the advice you are getting. Advice that another mother of an addict is sharing with you because they made the same mistakes as you and the things they were doing weren’t working.

    How can you expect someone else to put your son in some sort of position of trust and pay him money for his time if you can’t even tell the people you work with the truth about him? Go back and read and reread what everyone has been trying to tell you for so long. Come out of denial, quit denying your son’s truth, embrace who he is, and quit enabling him!!!!!! The truth shall set you both free, and the sooner you admit he is relying on all the conveniences of home and the sooner you can just put down your foo foo guard and get real about having a son in recovery, the sooner you BOTH will move forward, and healing and hope will take over. I love you dearly and have been with you since day one(in blog land), but I just had to tell you how I really feel.

  8. Jackie says:

    I’m sorry but Former Addict is talking out of his ass.

    I’m a recovering alcoholic. The people close to me in my life know and respect me for my work in recovery But, it’s not information that I think is useful to me in the larger world. I work in a job in which I am sometimes in the public eye. I can be fired for no reason. If things go wrong it would be very easy for people to blame it on my alcoholism.

    I am a lesbian. I came out on the front page of a Midwest newspaper in 1990. I’m not afraid or ashamed of who I am. I am completely out in the world even when that is hard c because mo one is going to say i do a lousy job because i am a lesbian and because teenagers are killing themselves amd they need to see other gay people with good lives. But, they could say that my alcoholism makes me a bad employee. I am prudent.

    I like the advice someone gave above about starting your own business. A lot of AA people are unemployable when they hit AA. I know a guy who builds fences to keep out snakes. I know handymen and people who pick up dog shit for a living. House cleaning. My son (who is not an alcoholic) put a message on Craigslist saying he would deliver anything that could be carried on a bike. He made a living for a while delivering milk and cookies to college dorms. One of the great things about AA is that if you show up at meetings and people get to know you, they will hire you to work for them or they will utilize whatever service you offer.

    • madyson007 says:

      Thanks Jackie….I some how missed this comment. I agree completely with you sharing is not always prudent. I do not have the personality to become a fearless public ally of parents of addicts. Going public or speaking at a high school is not something that I would be comfortable doing. Ron has changed peoples lives I suspect…I would like to do that but it is not going to happen.

      We have seriously considered the open your “own business” idea. What he needs to do first is get a job and pay off his fines and get his license back. Having your own business requires a drivers license. We are adamantly apposed to paying any more of his fines off. We are STILL paying lawyer bills off.

      We have not sold his car…it is still sitting in the driveway 2 years later. He can have the car back it was a gift to him on his 18th birthday. However we will not insure him or pay those DUI fines either sooo…he needs to make money before any of those things can happen.

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