Life has a way of rushing by and I am so afraid J is going to wake up and realize that his friends have moved on. They will be getting married, buying houses and starting families. They will be building a credit history and a work history that will carry them through the rest of their lives while J sits paralyzed by fear. He doesn’t want to deal with his past but he can’t move forward with his life until he does.
He has student loans that he refuses to call on because he doesn’t know what to say. WELL, I don’t know what to say either, that is why you call and try to figure out every option available. Pretending it will all go away is just complicating things more. The job situation is the same, it seems he is unemployable only I don’t believe that. He says he is applying for jobs all the time, but is he? He still needs to pay off fines or be in violation of parole. His parole officer said she would try to help him get a job through the employment office only he never followed through with that. He will have to deal with her at some point but I am sure he will be his charming self. Telling her he thought he had a job but it didn’t work out and he will promise to go to the employment office and then waste his time not doing much of anything. Sporadic jobs here or there to earn money for his own pocket and then nothing again.
I guess he really doesn’t have to because he lives in a 4 bedroom colonial with a swimming pool and jacuzzi . He is always able to find someone to take him where he wants to go. His friends pay for him when they can and he has a refrigerator filled with food. He is never cold and never hungry and always has a warm bed to sleep in. Part of me wants to drop him off in the middle of the nearest city so he can really know what it is like to be in survival mode….to be starving and cold, not knowing where to spend the night.
I want J to be happy and have fun in his life but he can not continue to do it at our expense. I suppose I can throw him out and hope he swims but what if he doesn’t? What if he drowns? What then?
The bigger what if may be “What if I don’t do anything, will anything change?”