I have been thinking a lot about a comment I left on someones blog. Why do addicts make poor choices so easily sometimes? Especially when sobriety is what they desperately long for…
J has told me on several of his “poor choice occasions”, that he just stopped thinking. Like umm…literally his brain stops functioning and he kind of goes into this automatic mode with no fore-thought or after-thought until much after the event. My immediate thought was “What a freaking cop-out and how convenient for you. If you stop thinking you do not have to hold yourself accountable for anything. It’s kind of like the boogeyman made me do it. Pfffffft…..PULeeeeazeee. (Why do I feel so bad-ass Jersey when I say it like that?) BUT J was serious he really felt like he was not in control of his actions…how scary is that? I made it clear that how it could happen isn’t going to matter to me because if he uses he can not live here. So, he better figure out how to get control of this behavior.
So anyway, suppose it is true? What if there really is some mechanism in an addicts brain that turns off or on when faced with temptation or even thoughts of temptation. Why would some who desperately wants to be clean or has been clean for a long time give in? I suppose you could say they are weak, or they don’t have the tools yet to maintain sobriety or any other number of things but what if it is none of those things. What if it really is a part of their brain that takes over and sets the ball in motion and they have no ability to re-set it.
I know every single one of us has seen our addicts extremely remorseful for making poor choices. Strangely for J with that remorse always comes this kind of bewildered “how did this happen?”. SO, someone just needs to invent a re-set easy button just like the one they sell at Staples! TA Dah! I know, you can thank me later. So, which one of you is going to get right on that?
Sadly, I am only half-joking. It seems for some no matter how much they want it or even work at it…they can not seem to find any kind of long-term sobriety. I really wish there was an easy button for them. Heck, I think there ought to be one for the rest of us too!