J is not using. He lives at home and I get to see him struggle everyday to live a life with purpose. He is not an active participant in NA/AA and has never had a sponsor. He is not interested in committing to working the 12 steps and who am I to tell him he must? J’s set back recently seems to be just that… an oops not to be repeated. This oops was not followed by him going out on a bender…there was no lying and no stealing or any other stupid things addicts are known to do. So right now it is still just an oops and not a full-blown relapse. J receiving a pay check will be the real test, money can be a trigger for him. I asked him the other day how this oops could have been avoided. He thought about it for a minute and said…to just stay away from any one with any kind of drug connection. I reminded him that he was doing just that until he bumped into that one person. He looked pretty remorseful when he said “If I had to do it all over…I would have turned and ran in the other direction”. I am not comforted by this very much but I have no choice but to believe him unless he gives me reason not to. My boundaries are still clear. He can not live here and use. Pretty cut and dry…except he messed up once but has tested clean every time since that day. Would you throw him out?
I do not want to diminish a year of sobriety for what appears to be a one time mistake. The merry-go-round I referred to in my previous post has a lot to do with J living at home. There is no jumping off as long as my son lives in our house and me removing him at this point is not happening. Hopefully he will start work soon and then possibly start looking for a place to live. Having and keeping a job is my biggest hope at this point, along with continued sobriety of course.
Is there anyone out there in blog land that has a clean addict or a using addict living with them that is still able to completely detach? Because frankly, if someone answers yes…I am not sure I believe them.