I wrote a scathing post about J’s behavior…

but something held me back from posting it and I am glad I did because today is a new day.

Yesterday, I drove J to a lab for a drug test. It was a requirement for a job opportunity.  I knew he was clean and neither of us were worried. He seems more hopeful and helpful…like he can sense that he will have some self-worth back and a new purpose. The original post I wrote was mean-spirited and bitter. I wasted my time  creating something filled with so much negativity and whining. I have always thought venting was a release and needed but I am not so sure about that anymore.

This must be a small part of letting go because I don’t want to invest in those terrible and destructive thoughts anymore. I want to let him invest in himself and I will take care of myself. I tell my kindergarten kids EVERY SINGLE DAY. You are not the boss of anyone…you are only in charge of your own thoughts and decisions. Funny how I could not internalize that for myself. Kindergartener’s can be a bossy bunch…they want to tell their friends how to feel, what to do, where to sit and what to think.

I guess I am a bossy parent of an addict because I wasted a good part of two years trying to do just that. Just remind me, to refer to this post when I start whining again because I am sure that day will come. Hell, it could be as soon as tomorrow. LOL


About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free when my oldest son went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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4 Responses to I wrote a scathing post about J’s behavior…

  1. Tori Lee says:

    I feel the same way. I am pretty good about staying out of his recovery although he does a lot of things that I feel jepordize it. I see his pattern and he will do good for a week or so and then have a few really bad days where he does things are wrong. I used to bring it up to him and although it would rarely end in an arguement, I realized it was doing neither of us any good.

    I know in my heart (and so does he) that no matter how much he wants to be sober the main thing that is helping him is the Drug Court. He still may relapse and he may not. I think that is what we have to remember as Parents in recovery. We simply have no control if they relapse.

    • Lisa says:

      I recall when my son was arrested and I stormed into the courthouse clerks office and said ‘please send him to drug court. It boasts a higher success rate than a Betty ford’! Unfortunately our district does not have it. He did in fact get probation with drug testing but we all know how they get around that. I think we all need to fight for mandatory drug courts in each and every Court jurisdiction in America! The money would be well spent!

  2. Barbara says:

    This is so insightful! I can definitely relate and the next time I feel like bitching about Keven, I will be reminded of this post! Thanks.

  3. Momma says:

    Great post! and as I’m sure you know, once you figure that out, it is still easier to say than to live. I’ve been struggling now for a couple of years, and it feels like a never ending process… but one I will continue.


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