but something held me back from posting it and I am glad I did because today is a new day.
Yesterday, I drove J to a lab for a drug test. It was a requirement for a job opportunity. I knew he was clean and neither of us were worried. He seems more hopeful and helpful…like he can sense that he will have some self-worth back and a new purpose. The original post I wrote was mean-spirited and bitter. I wasted my time creating something filled with so much negativity and whining. I have always thought venting was a release and needed but I am not so sure about that anymore.
This must be a small part of letting go because I don’t want to invest in those terrible and destructive thoughts anymore. I want to let him invest in himself and I will take care of myself. I tell my kindergarten kids EVERY SINGLE DAY. You are not the boss of anyone…you are only in charge of your own thoughts and decisions. Funny how I could not internalize that for myself. Kindergartener’s can be a bossy bunch…they want to tell their friends how to feel, what to do, where to sit and what to think.
I guess I am a bossy parent of an addict because I wasted a good part of two years trying to do just that. Just remind me, to refer to this post when I start whining again because I am sure that day will come. Hell, it could be as soon as tomorrow. LOL