I went to a meeting…

a blogger who shall remain nameless inspired me to give it another try. It was an Al-anon meeting not a Nar-anon meeting. I did not like it. All the meetings in this area seem to be closed meetings. I take that to mean exclusive to parents and partners of alcoholics which my husband is, but some how it does not feel like the right identity or affinity. I can’t really come up with the right word. I think my son’s opiate addiction pains me and rattles me right down to my soul where as my husbands addiction is an annoying nuisance that every once in awhile tips over into the emotional abuse department. I am not trying to make emotional abuse sound trite, it is just what I feel in my relationship with my husband. There is still love, affection and passion in my marriage, enough that I find myself looking the other way when things get bad.

Ugh…when I read that back,  I sound like one of those poor sick woman getting beaten and then say but “I love him and I must have deserved it…”. I really am a strong intelligent woman just not sure where I am going with this. This post started out about a meeting and turned into something else. Does that ever happen to you? This feels a little like a stream of consciousness thing…which is a bunch of garbled gobbley gook.

I guess the point of this post is…I am going to search for a meeting that feels right because this one wasn’t it. I think partly why I can not feel comfortable is that only the subject of alcoholism comes up and our lives involve so much more than that. I didn’t want to talk in a closed meeting because…well umm because it was closed? If that makes sense. I just think I could find another meeting with more diversity. The only Nar-anon meeting is a good 45-50 minutes away on Monday nights only….Monday’s suck. I wish it was closer because I liked this one a lot.

I will keep looking…

Kind of a bummer of a day…but it really could be much worse. So I will be thankful that I navigated through the day without completely falling apart.

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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7 Responses to I went to a meeting…

  1. Syd says:

    Madyson, all Al-Anon meetings are closed which basically means that therapists, health professionals and people who don’t have a problem with addiction won’t be attending just to observe. It keeps the meetings safe for all. I don’t know if you identified yourself as a newcomer or not, but if you did, I hope that you were given a warm welcome. There are many parents who come to Al-Anon because their kids are addicts. But what Al-Anon focuses on is not the addict but how we react around those who are addicted to alcohol or drugs. Perhaps this meeting wasn’t the one for you. I was told to attend six meetings before making up my mind about whether Al-Anon was for me. I learned to shift the focus from talking about the alcoholic to looking at myself and why I was so unhappy. I hope that you will find the right meeting.

  2. Tori Lee says:

    I went to several diiferent meetings before I found one that was a Parent meeting. And by the way, although my husband is not addicted to anything I don’t think of you as weak and completely understand why you see that more of annoying nuisance. My Brother was an alcoholic and obviously it is different but he was the typical “drunk”. Actually, neither are my nephews that all are alcoholics. They do get annoying and it was very rare my Brother ever was even verbally abusive. Even when he was married. He was a darn good functioning drunk, made great money and never missed a day of work. Doesn’t make it bee

  3. Tori Lee says:

    oops I hit send too quick. Doesn’t make it right, but I never really considered him a “true” drunk. My views have changed living with my son and his drug addtiction though.
    Anyway, see I just went off and wrote a bunch that I wasn’t planning on! 🙂 Back to the meetings, I did find a really good Parent meeting and loved the people there and went for several months as much as I could since my schedule changes it was impossible to make it every week. In the end, I realized it wasn’t really something at that point that I was completely dedicated to like some of the other Parents. I can tell you though it really did help at the time. If it is something you feel you need right now, I hope you do ccontinue to search for the right one. For some reason now I can’t see what I am typing so I am going to stop and pray there are not too many typo’s.

  4. lauren says:

    Have you ever tried Families Anonymous meetings ? I attend those instead of Al-anon. They are for parents, family or friends of a person using drugs. In the one i attend, most of the 20 or so parents have opiate/heroin addicts. It might be a better fit for you. also, our local hospital has a group just for parents of addicts, maybe you could check with a hospital near you.

  5. Connie says:

    I agree that there’s a difference between having an alocholic in your life vs. an addict. Also between having a spouse vs. a child who is the user. There are no parent meetings or Nar-Anon meetings near me either.

    It’s good that you tried though. You sound strong and sane in the way you’re handling your situation. I expect you don’t always feel that way, but still … I want to encourage you. I’m glad you’ll keep on trying. You’ll know the right group when you find it, I’m sure.

  6. Debby says:

    For what it’s worth, that is what I experienced when I went to an Al-Anon meeting THREE weeks in a row. Yes, I identified myself as a newcomer, and people were nice. I started going when I first found out that my son was an opiate addict. I could NOT relate, just as you say you didn’t. For me, personally, I wanted to talk and I wanted to hear feedback. I’m not a whiner, so it felt weird to say what I was thinking, and nobody can say anything back. I found that people droned on and on….and while I felt compassion for them, I could only sit and listen. I got far more support via my own blog. That’s not to say that Al-Anon isn’t a good thing. It’s just not for everyone. As for Nar-Anon, I have had better success at those, because there I can hear other people discuss exactly what I’m going through. I hope you can find one.

  7. Dee says:

    Honesty comes out when you let the words flow and don’t censor. We really are (mostly) not a judgmental group.
    I also tried several meetings of varying types. Of course all areas are different. I liked Families Anonymous and found them more helpful than Al-anon – but still lacking something. I like attending open NA meetings to feel closer to my son and gain more understanding for the addicts in my life. I truly loved, loved, loved the family meeting at my son’s treatment center. Different format than any other meetings and included all sorts of family members AND a leader. By far, my favorite – but, unfortunately located in California.

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