a blogger who shall remain nameless inspired me to give it another try. It was an Al-anon meeting not a Nar-anon meeting. I did not like it. All the meetings in this area seem to be closed meetings. I take that to mean exclusive to parents and partners of alcoholics which my husband is, but some how it does not feel like the right identity or affinity. I can’t really come up with the right word. I think my son’s opiate addiction pains me and rattles me right down to my soul where as my husbands addiction is an annoying nuisance that every once in awhile tips over into the emotional abuse department. I am not trying to make emotional abuse sound trite, it is just what I feel in my relationship with my husband. There is still love, affection and passion in my marriage, enough that I find myself looking the other way when things get bad.
Ugh…when I read that back, I sound like one of those poor sick woman getting beaten and then say but “I love him and I must have deserved it…”. I really am a strong intelligent woman just not sure where I am going with this. This post started out about a meeting and turned into something else. Does that ever happen to you? This feels a little like a stream of consciousness thing…which is a bunch of garbled gobbley gook.
I guess the point of this post is…I am going to search for a meeting that feels right because this one wasn’t it. I think partly why I can not feel comfortable is that only the subject of alcoholism comes up and our lives involve so much more than that. I didn’t want to talk in a closed meeting because…well umm because it was closed? If that makes sense. I just think I could find another meeting with more diversity. The only Nar-anon meeting is a good 45-50 minutes away on Monday nights only….Monday’s suck. I wish it was closer because I liked this one a lot.
I will keep looking…
Kind of a bummer of a day…but it really could be much worse. So I will be thankful that I navigated through the day without completely falling apart.