Dangerous territory…

An interesting thing happened on my way to this point. I have evolved…there I said it.

I use to wake up every morning and my very first thought would be “I wonder if this will be the day J relapses”. Some where along the line it changed. It was not my very first thought in the am…in fact I could go days without thinking it and then weeks. Then it evolved even more and it turned into “I wonder if J could end up relapsing”. This may not seem or sound significant to most people but for me it was a very big leap of faith. It feels dangerous not assuming that at some point J will relapse. The evolution to: is it possible he might not ever relapse? …is astonishing.

I am trying to decide if I am feeling pride at his accomplishment thus far because that idea REALLY bothers me. We all know the old saying “Pride cometh before the fall…” I have been there done that and it is ugly and painful. A very wise woman once said “Get the fuck off the train!” Is that what I did? If only it really was that easy.

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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2 Responses to Dangerous territory…

  1. Barbara says:

    LOL – I was just at Annette’s blog and she had quoted “get the fuck off the train” too! Hmm, maybe that should be my next tattoo?

    Anyhow, Its great to hear about your growth. If you are asking yourself if you’re being prideful, you probably aren’t because pride usually doesn’t recognize itself.

    Keep enjoying every good day with J and hopefully that day will NEVER come! If it does you will deal with it then, but its very healthy that you’re not letting it affect you on a daily basis.

  2. Syd says:

    Well, if you wake up and don’t think about problems, that seems like real progress to me. I am waking up from a lot of drama over the last few days. And I feel much better.

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