An interesting thing happened on my way to this point. I have evolved…there I said it.
I use to wake up every morning and my very first thought would be “I wonder if this will be the day J relapses”. Some where along the line it changed. It was not my very first thought in the am…in fact I could go days without thinking it and then weeks. Then it evolved even more and it turned into “I wonder if J could end up relapsing”. This may not seem or sound significant to most people but for me it was a very big leap of faith. It feels dangerous not assuming that at some point J will relapse. The evolution to: is it possible he might not ever relapse? …is astonishing.
I am trying to decide if I am feeling pride at his accomplishment thus far because that idea REALLY bothers me. We all know the old saying “Pride cometh before the fall…” I have been there done that and it is ugly and painful. A very wise woman once said “Get the fuck off the train!” Is that what I did? If only it really was that easy.