Called a mission to see if they had a bed…

they didn’t. I wanted to drop him off. I don’t know any other way to get through to him. I feel like we have gone back to the point where he does not believe we will throw him out if things don’t head in the right direction…and that is dangerous ground.. He is a taker like many addicts…he is sucking me dry and offers absolutely nothing in return. I found a rooming house for $150.00 a month it is in a more city like environment with public transportation. He could get a job and walk or take a bus. I am weighing my options. I do not think he is using but how would I really know? His sleeping schedule is upside down once again and he woke me up at 2:30 am. It took me hours to get back to sleep. I had to work in the morning. I am now exhausted, cranky and my back hurts<—this is not a pretty combo. I have no sense of humor and I think I am past the point of caring. Being CLEAN IS NOT ENOUGH.

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About madyson007

I am a mom of 4 who thought she was home free with her oldest son when he went off to college. My serious blunder? Genetics and being naive or maybe just plain stupid.
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12 Responses to Called a mission to see if they had a bed…

  1. Gal says:

    Give him a deadline, a week at most. Drop him off in an area with lots of restaurants, shops, etc and tell him find anything…busboy, dishwasher, something! Forget that business of finding jobs online. It’s just an excuse when the kid doesn’t want to make much of an effort. Oh sure, some jobs are found that way, but not the kind he’s likely to find. Tomorrow’s Saturday. He needs to get up, get dressed like someone trustworthy and hit the streets. No excuses.
    Remember, many, if not most, of the drug rehab programs require residents to get some kind of work by the second month. If he’s not actively hitting the streets, he’s not really looking. Make a deadline and stick to it. At the end of the deadline, he either lives elsewhere, or takes on the housework, cooking, laundry and any other jobs you can put on the list. Nobody gets a free ride. Why should he? You can do it!
    -Gal

  2. Helga says:

    There is no reason to wake you up at 2:30 unless it’s a life or death emergency. You should not have to tolerate this. My daughter’s husband’s dad packed his bags one night and dropped him at the city park. That is when he got involved with my daughter again who he had known from HS. Your son will find shelter. Trust me on that one. Please, set your boundaries, explain them to him, and make him leave if he does not adhere to the rules of your home. Make him take a drug test. You said that you are not sure if he is using. His sleep pattern is a tell tale sign….

  3. Lou says:

    Not sure if he is using? Go directly to the nearest Target and get the 12 panel test. $36.

    No more wondering.

  4. Annette says:

    I *hear* you. Ugh.

  5. Dawn M McCoy says:

    Either life controls you….or YOU control your life. We all get accused of being controlling, but then, in essence, that IS what mom’s do. Only now, it’s time to let go…and let God. Start controlling your OWN life. You know, when he was a junkie, he found ways to get money and places to live. When i was so done with my daughter, I actually kicked her out 4 months pregnant. Yah. That’s an awful lot of been there, done that, got the shirt, and ready to rip the damn shirt to shreds.

    Ultimately, its your decision, but you need YOUR life Back. You need some normalcy. Take it.

  6. Dawn M McCoy says:

    And ((((hugs))))

  7. Dee says:

    Lou has a great suggestion. Why guess when you can see results?
    Also, your idea of a rooming house is very good too. Or is a sober living facility a possibility?…if not in your town maybe the next town over?, or the next?

    It’s time for him to join the living. You know it, your hubby knows it, and your son knows it. Maybe nobody has said it out loud lately? I would call a family meeting. If he cannot find work then perhaps he could be volunteering.

    But please don’t make accusations based on him being awake late. I’m a night owl (always have been) and I go to bed around 3am. Some people have different bio-rhythms.

  8. Tori Lee says:

    Not much more to add but I would get the drug test because like Lou wrote at least you will know and I love what Dee wrote he could at least be volunteering. I am also a night owl too!

  9. Syd says:

    Get the answers, make the boundaries, get your life back, and stop enabling. Those were things my sponsor told me. I finally got it and mynlife has been good since I spoke my truth and quit giving away my power.

  10. Barbara says:

    I’m agreeing with Lou and the others about the drug test. If he refuses to take it, you have your answer.

  11. Jackie says:

    I am a cynical recovering alcoholic. People who are in active recverycLOOK like they are. If they aren’t working a steady job they are going to multiple meetings. If peoplevin the meeting see them working the program they sometimes help them with odd jobs.
    They are working on repairing the damage. They don’t wake their families in the middle of the night because that’s not cleaning up the wreckage.
    They start, e en in a few days looking different and acting different. They don’t hang with old friends. They make connections in meetings and go out for coffee or talk to those people on the phone.
    They get a sponsor and the sponsor kicks their butt. Sometimes they shave on the other side of the face than the side they normally start with or tie the opposite shoe first to remind themselves that they are different and all their behaviors have to be different.
    If the behaviors are the same as they were when they were using and you are the ine looking for solutions than drug tests don’t matter. They may not be using today but they haven’t hit a place where they are practicing skills that will keep them sober.
    I tell my sponsee that now, while she’s not having trouble is the time to be doing the work tocbuild the muscles she will need when trouble comes. When hard times come, and they will, it’s a little late to start learning tools.
    I’d tell him he has five days to show you that he is serious about recovery. Multiple meetings a day, daily showers, extensive job hunting, hard work with a sponsor, multiple responsibilities around the house without being told and a regular sleep schedule that doesn’t interfere eith the sleep of the people who are paying the bills.
    If he can’t do that, don’t find him alternate housing, just pack his bags, wish him luck, tell him you love him and send him off to figure out hid choices.

  12. Dawn M McCoy says:

    AMEN JACKIE!!!!

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