We have decided to let J hold down the fort while we are on vacation. I did hear all of you loud and clear but I actually live here. :o) J wants desperately to prove to us that he is ready to be trusted and he has done nothing these past months to make me think otherwise. I am so proud of him. Everything is far from perfect but the smart, caring, sweet young man I love is the one that wakes up each morning. He may not have a job but he does work around the house and has made himself a part of this family again. I try not to dwell to much on the time that has passed, but the 6 month mark feels like a small milestone to me. I especially don’t like to keep a count for J…I am not exactly sure why? I guess it is because although it is a celebration to remain sober, it is also just the right thing to do. The alternative is a living hell for all of us…and there is nothing right about that.
Unloading the dishwasher, babysitting or mowing the lawn are just a few of the wonderful things that my children might do but that is just part of being in a family. You don’t get bonus points for doing the right thing. Thank you’s are given freely but I sometimes have to chuckle when one of them says. I unloaded the dishwasher, I want…
After all, when was the last time you got an award for that clean toilet?
A Mom's Serious Blunder... 
We have left Andrew alone on several occasions. I had a little bit of uncertainty, but I know when he is clean and I know when he is using. I’ve been down the road too many times. I recognize the mannerisms, the way he talks, and most importantly, what he says when he is using. I just know. I feel like a human drug test with him. Could he relapse and and steal our big screen while we were gone? It’s a possibility, but we had seen enough recovery–the kind that can’t be faked– that we felt secure.
My feeling would be if you don’t trust your son..what is he doing in your house in the first place. If he is using, he will steal whether you are home or not.
I like you made up your OWN mind about this, based on your own family. We all want to believe what worked for us will work for all, but in my experience that is not true.
Interesting you should say that Lou because I can not tell you how often I get the message…don’t trust what you see, you are in denial, don’t believe!
I think we can all play the denial game for a little while but if you have been in this long enough, we can tell when our children are using…maybe not instantaneously but very quickly. Actually, I think there were times when I could tell he was thinking about using before he even did…I kid you not. I feel like a human drug test too. J’s behaviors would tip me off but his eyes always confirmed my suspicions.
There were MANY MANY months I would analyze his eyes when he returned from ANYWHERE. A trip to the mailbox would warrant an eye search. I don’t feel that so much anymore. Trust disappears in an instant but it does seem to slowly creep back in.
sigh
Ok…you can be the “I told you so…” person. :o)
I’m actually going to agree with you, Madyson. Dan’s dad left him alone for a weekend after about 8 months clean. It had to be done. At some point, it has to be done. He’s responsible for how he acts. If he was going to use, he’d use. And if he chooses to while you’re gone, then he’s made his choice. What are we supposed to do … stop our lives? You know your son; you’re ready to take this step. And whatever happens, you’ll all handle it. I wish you the best.
that’s true, you have to live your life. either he will mess up while you are out of town, or not.
You have to do what feels right for you. Checking motives is a good thing. Hope all goes well for all concerned.
Maybe it will be just fine maybe it won’t. That is what is so great about this blog. There are so many views from some that have been dealing with this for so much longer but at the end of all the comments we have to make the decision that is best for us. I would do the same thing as you but that doesn’t mean it is the right thing. I will pray that everything is great and that you will come back to everything just the way you left it and that J will have proven your decision to be the right one! I REALLY want to hear that J did so tell him not to let me down okay? 🙂
From your lips to Gods ears!